How to be a Heartbreaker
by Pineapple Death Match
Summary: Diana was perfectly content to work on her farm, however the Harvest Goddess has some other ideas in mind. Given the additional "task" of getting all the bachelors of the two towns to fall in love with her in four years or less, Diana has to decide - her morals or her freedom? Eventual one-sided?Bachelors/OCified!Lillian.
1. Macarena

**A/N: Okay so this was one of the fanfiction ideas I've had in my head since like forever but I never really had a reason to write it out before now, so here you go.**

 **I would do my standard thing and have several chapters written in advance, but since I'm having some problems with Word you'll have to be patient for me to finish (and polish) chapter 2 instead of having it in a couple of days. It's like 99% done tho, so I pretty much just need to wrap it up and add the post-chapter A/N.  
**

 **I feel like this is the 167** **th** **HM fanfic with a title along the lines of "How to be a Heartbreaker" orz. It's also the title to this fic's theme song, so to speak – _How To Be A Heartbreaker_ by Marina and the Diamonds. I recommend you check it out!**

 **ONWARDS!**

* * *

It wasn't every day you got to talk to a "deity." I only wished my experience was more pleasant. I guess it wasn't enough for me to merely be here on this mountain and try to get two rivaling towns to reconcile; the harvest "goddess" wanted me to do something else alongside. It just so happens to be the absolute worst thing I could ever do with my previous assignment re: rivals-to-friend towns.

"That has to be the most horrible thing a human being could ever do. Count me out, lady." There are not very many places you can go in a Matrix-esque White Space, so it's not like I could just walk out while doing a double-birdie. I _really_ wanted too, though.

The harvest "goddess" herself was a mish-mash of spring-colored fabric and hair. Sure, you could tell she had made an effort to clean herself up, but since she was supposedly all things nature there are some mud stains that won't wash away. It's not like I care, anyway. "It's not that bad, Diana. You said so yourself – these boys are little more than zeroes and ones. Besides, you've never had the experience of being loved by someone; I feel that is a terrible shame that needs corrected! I'm doing you a _favor_."

"Two questions – wouldn't that mean you're a bunch of zeroes and ones too, and _how the hell is this a favor?_ " My hands found themselves shooting towards the sky. "I mean, what you're asking me to do is ridiculous! It's emotional manipulation, and I am not okay with that – zeros and ones be danged!"

HG huffed. "Fine then!" She suddenly seemed to gain at least five feet in height, and I will swear this upon my death bed, she literally had smoke coming out of her ears. "Since you can't seem to see things my way, I guess you just won't leave until you do! You have four years to get all the bachelors to love you. Time starts now."

Darkness.

* * *

 _(I am not trying to seduce you)_

 _When I dance they call me Macarena_

 _And the boys they say que estoy buena_

 _They all want me, they can't have me_

 _So they all come and dance beside me_

 _Move with me, chant with me_

 _And if you're good I'll take you home with me_

* * *

BANG BANG BANG

"WHERE'S THE FIRE?" Abrupt awakenings were never my thing, and since I somehow managed to jump and fall out of bed, I'm certain my hind quarters feel the same way.

Oh yeah, I'm still...here. Yup.

"No fire!" The very distinct voice of the town's mayor punched through my door. "It's just me, Ina! I wanted to see how you're getting settled."

I blink. "Oh. Hang on; I'll get the door for you." My bed-sheets return to their proper place thanks to a well-placed backwards kick, and despite the fact I'm still in my pajamas and probably have bed head like no one's business I waddle over to my front door and open it.

Ina looked much as she always did – professional. Her hair was perfectly straight; not a hair out of its proper place. Whatever the heck her traditional mayoral garb was, well, it looked like it had been freshly washed and pressed. The little jewel on her headband sparkled like she had trapped a star inside and was holding it hostage. Konohana's mayor examined my state of dress with her onyx-colored eyes before shaking her head and sighing. "You really need to stop sleeping in, Diana. One you're all washed and dressed, I am going to show you the town's request board." She had a slight accent – or was it lilt? – to her voice, and every word hung with the authority she possessed.

I guess I didn't have a say in the matter – I opened the door a bit wider. "I'll be fifteen minutes at most. There are tea bags in the upper-left cupboard, next to the fridge. Sorry – this is the first day I've slept in all week. I promise."

Ina's response was a simple, "Hm," but it was better than nothing so I took my chances and jumped into the shower.

The water was freezing since I didn't have time to let it heat up. Nonetheless, it didn't take me long to get clean, dry and dressed – I probably set a new record. Ina was in the kitchen sipping tea when I finished brushing my hair and headed out.

"Ten minutes on the dot. I'm impressed." Ina put the empty cup into my sink and wiped some invisible dust bunnies off her shirt. "Well, come on, then. No use in wasting the day."

* * *

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

* * *

Ina finished her spiel just in time for me to finish my daily chores (not that there were many – I _was_ just getting started, after all) and notice the letter on my doorstep.

The letter wasn't anything special – just the H.G. informing me of how many days I had left to do the task she asked/forced me to do. I didn't bother paying attention to the number – something in the one-thousand range, at least.

It was a lovely spring day. The air was filled with the sounds of countless insects and animals, and smelled fresh after last night's rain. A leaf got stuck in my hair, but I brushed it out without thinking. The sun lit everything with a special glow…sure, this place was beautiful, but could I stand living four whole years here?

A voice snapped me out of my reverie. "Good morning, Diana." I turned around and saw Nori with a parasol to protect her delicate skin from the sun's rays. "Are you feeling well? You've been standing here for quite some time."

The right side of my mouth pushed its way into one-half of a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just…thinking. You know how it is."

"Ah," Nori and I stood next to each other in companionable silence for a few moments. "You know…"

"Hm?" I snapped my head up, momentarily ignoring whatever it was I was doing with my hands. A quick glance down revealed a bit of string I was busy tying knots into.

"Oh, I was just going to say…whatever it is that's bothering you, well…I'm certain you'll do wonderfully on it." She looked down and pulled a pouch from a small handbag at her side. "Grampa wanted to give you these. They're asparagus seeds – he thought you might like growing them."

I took the pouch of seeds. "Thank you very much, Nori. For…all of that. I really needed the help."

Nori smiled. "You're very welcome. I'm heading down to Yun's for some lunch…would you care to join me?"

"I'd love to!" My face broke out into a grin. "I'll pay. I still have some spare cash."

* * *

 _Now don't you worry about my boyfriend_

 _The boy whose name is Vitorino_

 _Ha! I don't want him, can't stand him_

 _He was no good so I, ha ha ha_

 _(Now come on, what was I supposed to do?_

 _He was out of town and his two friends were so fine)_

* * *

Nori was always soft-spoken, so most of the conversation rested on me. I decided to tell her some stories from my family in-between bites of the soup of the day. Of course, it helps that my family is kind of the weirdest. Even Yun laughed a couple times! "So then I turn to my mom and-"

"Diana! Where have you _been_?" The doors flew open like some sort of western film, and in walked the doctor's apprentice, Hiro. The poor guy's hair was in disarray; he looked pretty mad. I slapped a palm to my forehead.

"My appointment! Gosh, Hiro, I'm so sorry – I completely forgot." I turned to Nori. She gave me a sympathetic smile before doing the "shoo" hand gesture.

Hiro grabbed my arm, barely waiting for me to drop some coins on the table before pulling me out of the restaurant. Well, I say "pulled" - it was more letting him escort me across town; since I'm like 90% sure I could just yank myself out of his grip with ease.

The inside of the clinic was pleasantly cool. Ayame looked up from her spot behind the desk and looked like she was trying very hard to not laugh. "Careful there, Hiro. You might go so far as cute someone to death."

Hiro's face suddenly decided it wanted to be a deep shade of rouge today. "I am not cute! Besides, this isn't the time for that discussion. You," he released my wrist and pointed at one of the examination tables. "Sit."

"Sup, Dr. Ayame." I waved at the doctor on my way to my "ultimate doom"

"Hello, Diana. You're early." She smirked at me and returned to her paperwork.

Hiro spent a few minutes getting everything set up while I just sort of sat there. I had no idea how long it had been since my last real doctor's appointment was, so I supposed God only knows what's going to go down here. Eventually, the silence began to make me feel uncomfortable. "Look man, I'm really sorry I forgot about this. I'm still sort of getting settled and stuff, y'know?"

Hiro shook his head while adjusting a stethoscope to fit his ears. "No, no, no. I should have waited until you were finished with your meal. That was rather rude of me, and I am deeply sorry."

I laughed. "We're cool. No harm, no foul. Now I'll just sort of shut up and let you do your thing."

My check-up went pretty smooth. As far as both of us could tell, I was the image of perfect health. I don't know what I expected. Ayame poked her head through the sheets they hung up around the examination table for privacy reasons. "Good job, kiddo. Both of you have earned a gold star sticker."

I slid off the table and threw my hands in the air dramatically. "Yay! I love stickers!"

Hiro rolled his eyes. "Dr. Ayame, must you insist on treating me like a child?"

Ayame ruffled his hair. "That's because you are one, bud. What do you think, Diana?" she grabbed his head to where his lips were pursed and tilted his head toward me. "Kid or adult?"

I let out a snort, failing to suppress a smile. "I'd like to plead the fifth. Besides, I really got to get going. See you two around, yeah?"

Hiro wiggled his way free from Ayame's grip and insisted on seeing me off. "Very well. I do hope you shall stop by again soon."

"Bring sweets!" Ayame called from the back of the building. "Hiro loves those!"

The door to the clinic swung shut as Hiro let out another call of "Doctor Ayameeee!"

* * *

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

* * *

I had managed to pick up a few basic requests before beginning to climb the mountain. I still had plenty of time left in the day to scavenge before heading back home, anyway. Maybe I'll visit Laney, too.

It should be no surprise that I introduced myself to the Bluebell townsfolk ASAP. Mostly because according to an agreement made between the mayors and I, I'd be spending this year's summer and winter in the European-styled town. Also because I was just curious, I guess. Everyone was super nice to me – probably because I was arguably the only neutral party in this feud.

The mountain stood as a sentinel between the two towns. All the flora and fauna seemed to shimmer with life in the bright spring afternoon. I'd quickly acquired an eye for what's ready to harvest and what wasn't, and alongside leaving treats for all the local animals, I was fairly certain I was rapidly getting an ally in the mountain.

I'll admit to singing while I climbed, regardless if it made me look like a Disney princess or not. It's not like there was much else to do, really. After two or three songs, I reached the top of the mountain. The goddess spring looked as cool and clear as ever, but I decided to pass on giving an offering today. It's not like I had anything on me she'd like at the moment.

I made it down to the Bluebell side of the mountain in record time – it took me about a song and a half. No one was hanging around at the village entrance, which was probably for the best.

Bluebell was just as peaceful and quiet as Konohana, the main difference, of course, being the overall flair of both towns, as well as its inhabitants. Speaking of which, it took approximately thirty-five seconds before Georgia leapt over the fence keeping her horses penned in and gave me a hug.

"Diana! What are you doing here?" Her fluffy ginger hair was the sort that looked nice even if it was terribly unkempt, and for that I will always be envious. At least her hugs were on point.

"Surprise!" I laughed, letting the girl go. "You didn't think we'd hang out for a couple of days and then I'd be gone until next season, did you? Pshaw." One of the many horses in Georgia's care – the one in particular was a chestnut-colored beauty – walked up to the edge of the fence and gave me a friendly whinny. I gave its nose a pat in return.

"Well, of course I never actually thought that, but farmin' is a tough job! I thought you'd be too busy for anyone 'round these parts! C'mon, let's go bother Cam and Laney." Georgia had a much stronger grip than Hiro, although that wasn't saying much. She partially dragged, partially walked me to Bluebell's cafe and flower stand. Cam was way too focused on his flowers to give two rips about me, and this was probably for the best. Ever since I passed the goddess pond, I couldn't get my "objective" out of my head. Knowing Cam, he'd probably tell I had something on my mind, and the poor man was too socially awkward that any attempts of help would just be super uncomfortable for the two of us.

"Stay here, I want to surprise her." Georgina pushed me into a chair at one of the outside tables and stomped inside the café.

There were a few moments of silence before I felt Cam's eyes on me. "Hello, Diana."

I looked up to meet his gaze, putting a small smile on my face. "Hey-o. How's the stand?"

Cam adjusted his hat before replying. "Good. How's the farm?"

"Good." Fudge, what was I supposed to say? My hand drifted down to my rucksack, where I suddenly remembered a particularly nice wildflower I'd found. "Hey, I got something for ya."

Cam moved around his stand, but didn't come any closer. He crossed his arms, as well. It's as if he gets off on appearing unapproachable. "Oh?"

I stood and handed the flower to him. Somehow, it remained un-crumpled "Here. Found it in the mountains and I thought you'd, y'know, like to take a look."

Cam took the flower and held it in his delicate hands, examining it carefully. It wasn't anything super special or rare – just a magic blue flower – but he handled it like one would a newborn child. "Thank you, Diana. It's a wonderful specimen." He put it away somewhere, but I was too distracted by the ruckus suddenly coming from the café to notice where.

"Diana!" Laney leapt on me, and I laughed and swung her around like she was my little sister before putting her down. "It's so good to see you! How are you doing? Do you need anything to drink? Has anyone-"

"She's fine," Cam said, putting his hands in his pockets. "She just told me."

Laney blinked. "Oh! Well, at least let me get you some tea."

I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek. "No need. I, uh…I already had plenty to drink on my way here."

Georgia laughed and clapped my shoulder. "It's okay to say you don't like tea, girl. No one's going to gut ya for that. Sit down! You just walked across the whole mountain – I think you deserve a rest!" She almost pushed me into a chair, before taking a seat across from me, pressing her fingertips together and looking fake-serious. "Tell me about all the goings-on at the other town. I need to know if they're treating you right!"

Laney leapt into action. "Wait for me to get some cakes at least. I don't want to miss a second. Uh, Cam, do you-"

"I'll help." Cam followed his (childhood friend? Adoptive sister? Who even knows) inside. All the ruckus we were making seemed to attract the attention of Ash's little sister, Cheryl, who ran up to us in no time at all.

"Diana!" She scrambled into my lap. "You're here!"

I laughed. "C'mon, guys, it's literally been like a week. Have you all missed me that much?"

"Yes!" Cheryl threw her hands in the air dramatically. "Who else is going to go bug catching with me?"

The doors to the café threw themselves open again. Both Laney and Cam were laden down with plates full of drinks and snacks and the like, and somehow everything found a place on the table. "I don't want you heading back up that blasted mountain on an empty stomach, no sir!" Laney huffed, slamming a tray of delicacies on the table.

Cam snuck Cheryl some sweets and told her to head home – she did, even if we could still hear her complaining for some time. Laney took a seat to my left. "Now," she said, gripping a cup of tea so hard her knuckles turned white. "I don't want you to spare a single detail, do you hear me?"

I spent a short while grabbing a little bit of everything and a cup of warm milk. "All right," I took a bite out of one of those itty-bitty sandwiches. (I love those things.) "What do you want to know first?"

"What is the plant life like?" Cam asked from my right. How I missed him taking a seat, I don't know.

"You and your flowers, Cam." Georgia giggled from behind a scone.

Thus began an impromptu AMA starring me. I answered everyone's questions as best I could, and between the four of us we managed to eat all the food. Everyone seemed…genuinely curious about Konohana. It was kind of nice, actually. But something seemed to be missing.

"Wait a sec," I looked around. "Where's Ash?"

Laney shrugged my question off. "He and his mother went to the city to restock early this morning. Eileen is babysitting. So, have you heard the news? There's supposed to be a mailman coming this summer."

I raised my eyebrows and tried very hard to act surprised. "Really? That's interesting."

Georgina nodded along with her friend. "They say that although he'll live in the other town, he exchanges letters and stuff between both towns and beyond. Weird, right?"

Cam shrugged. "No difference to me. Hey, Diana?"

I met Cam's eyes again, this time with a mouth full of chocolate chocolate chip muffin. "Hm?"

"Shouldn't you be heading back? It'll be dark soon," He had been doing napkin origami absentmindedly this entire time, and had a large collection of fake cats and flowers to show for it. I swallowed my bite and slapped a hand to my forehead.

"Crap! Sorry, guys, I really gotta go. I'll be back again soon!"

After a very hasty good-bye in which Laney shoved another muffin in my hands and Georgia gave me one of her bear hugs, I sprinted down the cobblestone road and up the moderately steep incline of the mountain.

* * *

 _(Ay! Ay!)_

 _(Ay! Ay!)_

 _(Ay! Ay!)_

 _(I am not trying to seduce you)_

 _(Ay!)_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _(Ay!)_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _M-M-Macarena_

 _Macaren, Macaren, Macaren, Macarena_

* * *

I found myself back home just as the sun clocked out and the moon clocked in. My evening chores were a snap, and in no time at all I had pulled on my pajamas and clambered into bed. In spite of everything that happened that day, one thing was stuck in my mind – a number. A number that had already ticked down one.

1460 days left.

* * *

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena_

 _Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena_

 _Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena_

 _Hey Macarena!_

 _(Ay!)_

* * *

 **FUN FACTS DIDYA KNOW:**

 **-Diana is the Roman name of the Greek goddess Artemis, a goddess well-known for her chastity. I named our protagonist after that because IRONY.**

 **-In case you're wondering what all those italics are from and what they're for, they're the lyrics to a party song I really like called – you guessed it – "Macarena." It's by far my favorite thing to dance to. Each chapter will feature a girl-player/girl-power song like this because IRONY. I already have quite a few lined up, but if you would like to recommend a tune (or think it's just distracting), let me know!**

 **-In my personal head canons, Cam is the silent observer type. Also, if Marvelous would let characters say more than the same thing all day every day, Ayame would be the Nancy to Hiro's Dolce and I'd love it. (Nancy and Dolce are characters from Rune Factory 4. I highly recommend you look it up!)**

 **IN THE NEXT CHAPTER: MORE HILARIOUS ANTICS!**

 **See you around!**

 **~SLA**


	2. Boring

**A/N: Surprise, chapter two! This chapter is really long and I don't know why (eleven pages on Microsoft Word o.O) More for you I guess!**

* * *

1,371 days. That's how much time I still had left. Every day I'd wake up with the number stuck to the inside of my brain like a superglued sticky note. Ugh.

I was making steady progress on my farm. All the seeds I'd planted had been growing like a dream, and I even got enough money on the side to buy a chick from Ash's family. I named it the first thing I thought of – Rain. She had been flourishing under my care, and thanks to me buying a lot of treats for her, I was certain she'd start laying more than one egg a day once she matured, as well.

Other than that, and the horse Kana gave me (something about my "accident," which I didn't really remember as a thing that actually happened, but whatever) my barn was as empty as the HG's brain. At least having something living around was nice, I guess.

Ina kicked down the door yesterday and gave me the ingredients (and recipe) for some traditional Konohanian dessert for the cooking festival. After this, however, she and Rutger somehow managed to agree that I would be on my own.

The dessert was done in a snap, and I carefully placed it within the confines of my rucksack. Stuff had a tendency to come out looking like they weren't in there in the first place, but you can ever be too cautious.

Watering my crops didn't take much time, either. I spent a little time in the barn with Rain, however. The small thing was still just a baby, and wouldn't mature until the summer. She took to me instantly, though – running up to me on her scrawny little legs and hopping on my hand.

"Hey, Rain." I cuddled her close, breaking up her treat into small pieces and feeding her. "I'm going to be gone for a while again today, so you'll have to spend some time with ol' Wind-struck here, yeah?"

The chick peeped in response, swallowing the last bit of her treat. I hopped out of her little pen after giving Rain one final pat.

Wind-struck the horse nudged me with his nose, and I gave him a friendly pat. "Maybe next time, bud. We don't want to be too early, y'know."

* * *

 _(Uh, that's hot)_

 _It's tasty, it's like a cupcake_

 _It's cotton candy, it melts in your mouth_

 _And lately I been gettin' hunger pains_

 _When you lick your lips while you check me out_

 _Fast car? Boring!_

 _Girlfriend? Boring!_

 _Got money? Boring!_

 _(No, oh, oh, oh)_

 _Hot friends? Boring!_

 _Rock band? Boring!_

 _Not interested, (no, thank you)_

* * *

The town and mountain were oddly silent, although the air seemed to visibly quiver and thrum with excitement. My climb was an easy one, even if it seemed so much longer by the silence that seemed to surround and press in on all sides. I sighed and shook my head free of thoughts as I began nearing the crest of the mountain, dessert in hand.

Ina was waiting for me up there, checking that everything was going according to plan. "Hello, Diana. Did you bring the dessert I asked you to make?"

I pulled it out of my rucksack and handed it to her. "Yup. Here 'tis."

Ina took the dish from my hands and waved me over to Yun and Nori. "You three will be competing in the first round today. I have no doubts that we have this competition in the bag!" Ina placed my dish in-between Yun and Nori's. "Diana, you know what to do, right? If you have any questions, please let me know."

I shrugged. "I'll be fine, Ina. It's not like I'm supposed to do much else than stand here and look pretty for the first part, anyway."

Ina nodded. "Very well. I'm certain we'll win this time…feel free to lose all you like over the summer, though," Ina smiled, although it didn't look nearly as warm and friendly as it should have been. " _I_ certainly won't mind."

Konohana and Bluebell's culinary face-off was a well-known and well-loved treat for people who loved cooking competitions. Once in a while, Pierre will throw in a wild card and all of a sudden we're in some weird mix between cutthroat kitchen and Mario Party. Of course, there were camera crews everywhere, and the audience was more than just a few of the townsfolk. This thing happened once a month, so I guess in the world of TV shows it was a real big thing – not as big as a yearly thing, though. Ina scurried off to take part in one of those interview things they play over the episode. Or maybe she was commentating? I really don't know. It's not like I have a TV.

The competition had two parts – the pre-made dishes, and the Wild Card round. My first time, Ina and Rutger decided it would be best to leave me out of the Wild Card round, but I decided I wanted in this time. Last month, they had to make a dish using ingredients that started with the letter A – Bluebell pulled through with some creative uses of Alfredo sauce, alongside other things. After the Wild Card round, the cameramen left and it was pretty much just a potluck/party thing.

"All right everyone, we're live in five!" The lead director announced. Nori gently touched my arm.

"You'll be fine," she said, in a voice quieter than a whisper. Yun nodded her agreement.

"You most certainly stole the show last time! I don't know what you were doing for your interview, but you had everyone laughing all the way home." Yun returned Ying's wave, smiling at her granddaughter fondly.

I didn't really think I did anything special for my interview. Mostly just made sure I picked my words carefully while also staying true to myself – this may be the Harvest Moon universe, but I don't trust the media to not twist my words.

The lead director's voice shouted over the crowds. "Five…four…three…two…one…we're live!"

Pierre walked up to the judge's table, his overly large hat slightly askew. "Hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of _Culinary Rivals!_ Today, we'll be focusing on desserts!"

* * *

 _If you want me_

 _You're gonna have to catch me_

 _If you wanna touch my whoa-oa-oa_

 _And if you catch me_

 _You're gonna have to show me_

 _How bad you really want my whoa-oa-oa_

 _You're Scrumptious_

 _I kinda like it_

 _I'm indecisive_

 _I change my mind a lot_

 _But you're hot (you're so hot)_

 _But I think you kinda know it_

 _Really hopin' you don't blow it so bring it_

* * *

The first part of the competition went off without a hitch. Pierre was thoroughly impressed with Konohana's food, but it was up to the bonus round to decide.

"…As some of you may know, the Wild Card round is composed of several delicious challenges sent in by fans everywhere! Let's see what today's challenge has in store…" There was a large fishbowl on the center of the judges' table, and the petite gourmet had quite a time scrambling around trying to pick a slip from the very bottom of the bowl. "Today's challenge is…"

Dramatic pause. I really hoped I didn't have a bad case of resting bitch face. "…'our get-along shirt!' from a 'Miss A.' this is quite the game-changer, folks! This round, two contests from differing towns must work together to make a dish that's out of this world – and all while wearing…" Pierre reached from beneath the table and pulled out a large double-collared T-shirt with the words 'Our Get-Along Shirt' on it. I let out a snort but remained my neutral composure. "This! Now, let's choose our contestants!"

Two much smaller fish bowls were placed on the table, one for each town. Pierre didn't have nearly as hard a time with these. "Since Konohana rocked the previous round, they get to be picked first! Our Konohana contestants are…" he grabbed two slips of paper from the bowl on my right. "Dr. Ayame and Diana, from State Farm!" Yes, I named my farm after an insurance company. No, I don't regret a thing.

I didn't mind being thrown into the Wild Card round. The HG did mention that one of my main goals was still getting the two towns to reconcile, so I figured as long as I laugh and treat it less like an intense competition and more like a bunch of friends goofing around, I'd be fine.

Ayame walked up from the crowd and followed me to the judge's table. "Good luck out there, kiddo," she winked at me. "But I'm not going to lose. I have a PhD, you know."

I laughed. "Win or lose, I'm still going to have more fun than you."

Pierre smiled warmly at the two of us. "Dr. Ayame, please pick a teammate from the Bluebell bowl!"

Ayame shrugged and dug her hand in. "Looks like I'm stuck with…" Another dramatic pause as she unfolds the paper. "…Jessica! Oh, that's not too bad."

The proud mother of two (also one of the first round's contestants) walked up to us and have Ayame's hand a firm shake. The only thing she said was, "Let's do our best."

Pierre nodded proudly. "All right! Now, Miss Diana, if you please…"

I shrugged and stuck my hand in the Blue-bowl. "Step forth, my comrade named…"

* * *

 _You're tired? Boring!_

 _You're sore? Boring!_

 _You worked all day? Boring!_

 _(Whoa-oa-oa-oa)_

 _Big boat? Boring!_

 _Black AmEx? Listening…_

 _Six pack? Well, heh…_

 _If you want me_

 _You're gonna have to catch me_

 _If you wanna touch my whoa-oa-oa_

 _And if you catch me_

 _You're gonna have to show me_

 _How bad you really want my whoa-oa-oa_

* * *

"…Ash!" I'm fairly certain this whole thing was rigged for two reasons –

1) Mother/son conflict-good times

2) Freaking harvest goddess wants me to suffer

But either way, Bluebell's generic farmer bachelor sprinted up to me from the crowd. "We've gotta win this one, Diana!" he grabbed my hands in his larger, callused ones. "I don't wanna lose to my _mom_!"

Jessica put her hands on her hips. "Excuse me, young man?"

Ash suddenly turned very rubicund in color. "I-I love you, momma."

"All right!" Pierre leapt into action. "You'll each have five minutes to decide what you're going to make and try and put these on," He handed Ayame and I a shirt "Because I seriously have no idea how they work."

Ash and I wandered back to the Bluebell's preparation area – a large tent emblazoned with blue and white. "We need to make something simple," I said, biting the inside of my cheek. "But first – are you left-handed?"

Ash looked much more uncomfortable with the whole sharing-a-shirt thing than I did. "What? Oh, no. Hey, do you think we'll have enough time to make Baumkuchen? That's one of my favorites."

I pulled the shirt on, sticking my left hand through the relevant sleeve. "Will we even have the stuff needed to make it? Here, I'll help you get this on."

Ash popped his head out the other collar. "This is really… awkward. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"I have nine cousins, seven of which are guys. This isn't awkward – having a sleepover at their house is. Besides," I scratched the side of my face with my one free hand. "I trust you not to do anything. You're a good guy."

Ash's face turned rouge again. "U-uh, well. D-do you think we could just, hold hands or something? Just to be sure?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

Ash's hand was sweaty and kind of gross. I got him to wipe it off first, but second time was the charm. We were stuck together like glue – but the whole hand-holding thing was the least of my problems.

"What are our chances of them not recording all this?"

"…Crap."

* * *

 _If I let you catch me_

 _It's because I think you're really cute_

 _And if you don't get it right_

 _I'mma be like really really mad_

 _(Uh, insert rap here…1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 Go)_

 _(Go -That's hot)_

 _Whoa-oa-oa-oa_

 _If you want me, you catch me, yeah whoa-oa-oa-oa_

 _If you catch me, you show me, yeah whoa-oa-oa-oa_

 _If you want me_

 _You're gonna have to catch me_

 _If you wanna touch my whoa-oa-oa_

 _And if you catch me_

 _You're gonna have to show me_

 _How bad you really want my whoa-oa-oa_

* * *

We ended up deciding to make something simple. Depending on how much time we had, I suggested we could try a Baumkuchen-esque cake. I caught a glimpse of what we looked like in one of the cameras, and laughed much harder than I liked.

"What?" Ash flailed around, trying to look for what was so funny.

"Oh, it's just - we must look so stupid right now." I placed my free hand over my mouth and giggled again. Ash gave me a look like I was clinically insane before he started cackling as well. We managed to compose ourselves before the competition started, though.

"Both teams will have ninety minutes to create the most delicious dessert this mountain has ever seen! I hope you're all prepared, because the challenge starts right now!" Pierre pointed at a large digital counter, which began slowly ticking down.

I knew the main challenge of this would be communication. "All right, let's get started. I'll start whisking the eggs."

"Right. You deal with wet ingredients, I'll deal with dry. Good plan!" Ash began reaching for the flour, disrupting my balance.

"Careful. I'm still here." Cracking an egg with one hand was no easy task, but somehow I managed, even if egg went everywhere in the process. The real challenge was getting the sugars in the mix.

"Uh…how many cups of flour was it supposed to be?"

I looked up, catching his eyes in my own as I struggled to remember. "…Three? Try to be careful measuring it out."

Ash grabbed the measuring cup. "I'll be fine. This isn't my first time in the kitchen, you know!" His first few attempts at scooping sent us coughing in a cloud of all-purpose flour.

"…It's your second, am I right?" I waved away as much of the flour as I could.

"Shut up."

Glancing over, Ayame and Jessica were really having a time of it. They almost looked even more ridiculous than we did. I chuckled again and returned to what I was doing. All the wet ingredients were in the mixing bowl, and with a flick of the wrist I had it mixing together. "Okay, what do you need me to do?"

Ash looked as lost as a stereotypical old person in an Apple store "…How much salt do we need?"

I offered him a half-smile. "A half-teaspoon. Here, I got it-"

So we continued to work together, all the while I was painfully aware of his left hand holding my right in a death grip.

We had a couple of missteps. I'm fairly certain we added too many chocolate chips, and we almost fell backwards a couple of times, but as a whole I think we did pretty well, all things considered.

Putting the cookies into the oven was the hardest part, but after that it was all smooth sailing. I wiped some sweat off my flour-coated face. "That is much harder than it looks."

"No kidding. You have egg in your hair, by the way." Ash pointed out.

I glanced up at the clock. "Better than egg on my face, am I right?" We still had a decent amount of time left for the cookies to bake.

"That's gotta be the worst joke I've ever heard," Ash snorted.

I offered winning smile number seventeen. "Bad jokes are the best jokes. This is scientific fact."

This is fine. I can handle this. It's like I can convince myself that I'm just making friends – this first year should be a snap. "So, since there's not much for us to do–unless you want to make a side-dish–do you want to tell me your life story or nah?"

"Why not both?" Ash shrugged. "There's not much to tell, anyway. How about we try a milkshake?"

I nodded in a sage-like manner. "I approve of that idea whole-heartedly. Let's see if we can find some ice cream."

* * *

 _Fast car? Boring!_

 _Girlfriend? Boring!_

 _Got money? Boring!_

 _(Whoa-oh-oh-oh)_

 _Hot friends? Boring!_

 _Rock band? Boring!_

 _Not interested_

 _Whoa-oa-oa-oa_

* * *

The main parts of the festival ended with a snap. Ash and I rocked the Wild Card round, which meant for the first time in quite a while Bluebell and Konohana were tied at the end. The tiebreaker was Ina and Rutger duking it out one-on-one in one final hurrah, and Ina won – but just barely. Before Rutger could call for a rematch, Pierre wrapped everything up and everyone who wasn't an inhabitant of the two towns packed up and went home.

The potluck was always a more casual affair. People spread picnic blankets and enjoyed themselves, mostly – there was always this big empty space between where Bluebell and Konohana folks ate, and it was there where I spread my blanket.

We mostly ate leftovers from the competition, but since dessert wasn't exactly dinner material there was some other stuff as well. Since there wasn't any concrete rule saying inhabitants from one town couldn't eat the other town's foods (and because I'd be moving to Bluebell pretty soon anyway) I got a bit of everything and reclined on my blanket, watching the clouds and enjoying myself.

Once you get past the cameras, the cooking competition is a lot of fun for everyone involved. A part of me wondered if this huge feud was less between the towns themselves and more between the mayors themselves. Well, also Georgia and Kana, for some reason. Other than that, I guess it's no big deal.

Due to some unspoken decree that festivals must be done on days that are completely sunny, it was a wonderful day. The top of the mountain was always windy and took the edge off the heat from the sun. A few butterflies and the like flit around peacefully, as well. It was nice.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, Diana?" Kana stood over me, on the edge of the Konohanian-side of my blanket. I blinked and swallowed another mouthful of food.

"Nah, I don't mind. Take a seat." I forced myself to sit up instead of just lying in my best 'draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls' pose. I grabbed my water bottle and took a gulp. "How are your horses?"

Kana's plate was resting on his lap while he sat crisscross-applesauce on the ground. "They're doing fine. Hayate just got her shots, so she should be good for the summer. How's Wind-struck?"

"He's fine. I've been riding him every day I can, and he seems to appreciate the exercise," I took another gulp of water. Fudge, how am I supposed to continue this discussion? "That Wind Card round, though." I burst into giggles at the memory. "I haven't had that much fun in…a while."

Kana laughed – his deep voice was accompanied by an equally deep laugh. "You looked kind of ridiculous out there, stuck to that other guy like some two-headed monster."

I snort. "What about Ayame and Jessica? They must have looked doubly-funny. Oh man," I wiped a laugh-tear from my face. "I'm going to have to get a TV now, just to see that episode."

Kana laughed with me for a while. "The only thing that would have been better," he chortled, "would be if Ina and Rutger were stuck together."

This really caused me to bust my sides. "YES." The two of us laughed for quite some time. "OH MY GOSH, _YES_."

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused our hysterics to calm down. Turning around, I saw Rutger himself. "Terribly sorry to interrupt, but you do have everything packed and ready for your move, right, Diana?"

I pushed myself to my feet, dusting invisible dirt off my clothes. "Yeah, I'll be ready by the thirty-first. It's not like there's much for me to pack, anyways."

Rutger nodded. "Very well. I will be seeing you then." He doffed his hat before moving back to his wife.

I turned to Kana, who had also risen from sitting to standing. "I should probably finish packing. Sorry I have to bail on ya, man."

Kana shrugged. "It's no big deal. Here, I'll help you fold your blanket." It didn't take us long for us to dispose of our trash and fold my picnic blanket. I stuffed it in my rucksack and waved good-bye.

"See you later!" I shouted, beginning my steady walk down the mountain. I didn't get far before my vision was serendipitously blinded by white.

"Great going there, hotshot!" The harvest goddess appeared in front of me, doing the infamous double-pistols-and-a-wink pose. "You're slowly helping the two towns get along!"

"Yeah, yeah," I held a head to my hand, resigning myself to being the good person – again. "Look, I'm not going to apologize or anything, but-"

The harvest goddess placed her hand on my shoulder. "No need, Diana. I'm not rescinding my requests of you, but I am a goddess – it's not good for us to hold grudges!" She let out a giggle. "Anyways, I just wanted to give you something to help you keep track of your progress!"

I looked up. "Oh?"

"Yes!" she clapped her hands together merrily. "I was inspired, you could say. Ta-da!" with a wave of her hand, a small stand with seven flower pots appeared. Each flower pot had one of those sticks to help the plants grow, and wrapped around the sticks was a vine-like plant with white flowers. "As your relationships with the boys grow, the flowers will change color depending on how well you're doing. When the flowers have all bloomed and turned red, your mission will be considered successful! I'll go ahead and send it to the Bluebell farmhouse, since you'll be there soon anyway." With another wave of her hand, the stand vanished.

"…oh," I blinked. Well, even if things had gotten off on the wrong foot, I still felt we were both somewhat trying. "Th…anks?"

The HG put her hands on her hips. "No problem! Don't forget to stop by and leave me a gift sometimes, Diana. I know you've been holding out on me," She winked. "Good call with Cam, though! He was very appreciative of your gift, you know."

"I figured, what with the flower stand and such," I sighed. "Look; I should really be getting home and finish packing."

The HG slapped her forehead. "Right! I'll teleport you down there real quick. See you tomorrow, Diana!"

With a splash of multicolored light, the white faded into the interior of my comfortable abode. Shutting my eyes in sweet relief, the number in my head counted down one.

1,370

* * *

 **FUN FACTS DIDYA KNOW:**

 **-In this fic, there is a twelve-month calendar with a leap year every four years, in case that wasn't clear. The main difference between their calendar and ours is that their year starts in what would be March for us and ends on what would be February. I feel like the reason for the whole season-month thing in all HM games is because playing through a full twelve-month year would probably be really, really boring :'D**

 **-Continuing from before, the cooking competitions between Bluebell and Konohana happen, as the fic mentions, once a month. The salad and soup competitions are rolled into one and occur near the beginning of the first month, the main course takes place in the middle of the second month, and the dessert round takes place near the end of month 3! I just thought it was weird how they kept dragging Pierre out every week and there not being some sort of show going on orz.**

 **-Also continuing from before (I'm sorry I can't help it) since the HM universe's last month of the year is February, leap years are considered a pretty big thing and are considered to be a "last chance" to tie any loose ends/party hard before the next year takes hold.**

 **-** **The phrase "I have a PhD" is a reference to Game Grumps, more specifically Brian. I'm fairly certain there has yet to be an episode with him that doesn't mention his PhD. He has a PhD, by the way. I don't know if you caught that.**

 **-This chapter's song is "Boring" by P!nk. I don't know why I love this song, but I do!**

 **Feel free to suggest whacky Wild Card rounds! I won't mind lol.**

 **NEXT CHAPTER: EVEN MORE HILARIOUS SHENANAGINS!**


	3. I Love Rock & Roll

**A/N: THEN I WROTE CHAPTER 3**

 **THREEEEEEEE**

 **IT WAS…** _ **THREEEEEEEEE**_

 **Don't forget to drop me a line or review if you have any questions about the world or whatever! I just want to know I'm not alone ;A;**

* * *

Summer hit like a wave. I was never more thankful for working air conditioning and a fridge, since it kept both my new home and my food refreshingly cool. I stockpiled sunscreen from Enrique and Diego's shop, and made sure Rain, Wind-struck, and my new calf, Drift, were cool. The air was heavy with the smell of animals and sweat, but in a strange way…I didn't mind.

98 days. That's how long I'd been around – 1,363 days left. It felt like an eternity with the gagging heat. Whatever, I thought as I rolled out of bed. _Whatever._ I'd get some ice cream from the café and be right as rain before hunting Dirk down.

The process of moving took a bit longer than I expected, so I hadn't really had a chance to meet up with the mailman yet. I was determined to do so today, though; heat be damned.

None of the animals wanted to go out in the heat today – I couldn't really blame them. I cracked open all the windows on the barn and coop and even had a couple of fans going on as often as possible. Wind-strider snorted merrily at me as I dished out some fodder and gave him and Drift a good brush-down. Drift was still too young to be producing milk, but I didn't mind. Ash and his family almost gave her to me as a barn-warming gift, but I insisted on paying them. It wasn't like I didn't have the cash, anyways. More recently, though, I've been saving up for a lamb, as well - Nori mentioned she'd help me make some new outfits if I could get my hands on some wool, and I wasn't about to let such an opportunity pass me by.

Rain was fully grown and would lay eggs like no one's business. She was also averse to being outside, but I had a feeling that was just because she was a very spoiled chicken. When I entered the coop, she clucked at me in a very huffy way until I spread out some feed for her and gave Rain the single offering of a treat before bagging the eggs and heading back out.

Of course, there wasn't much room to grow crops on the Bluebell farm, but somehow I made do with what I had. Little splashes of crops here and there, all I drenched in water. Hopefully it wouldn't evaporate until later in the day. I considered dunking my head in the water trough, but eventually decided against it. Fine, that's my chores done. Now I've got ice cream to grab.

* * *

 _I saw him dancing there by the record machine_

 _I knew he must have been about seventeen_

 _The beat was going strong_

 _Playing my favorite song_

 _And I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me, yeah me_

 _And I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me, yeah me_

* * *

The café was getting fairly close to crowded when I got there. Laney was dashing betwixt the tables like it was her sworn duty, serving dishes and drinks to her many patrons. I considered whether or not I really needed a cold drink or if I could hold off until Konohana, but then I felt someone staring at me.

A quick scan of the inside revealed Cam, sitting at one of the smaller tables and sipping some iced tea. He lifted an eyebrow, met my gaze, and then gestures toward the seat across from him. Well, I guess my choice was made for me.

The flowers the HG gave me probably didn't need watering, but I did so just on principle. I wasn't exactly doing anything special, but since Cam and I had some sort of agreement where I'd give him whatever wildflowers I found on the mountain and he got to tell me about them, his flowers were the first to go from white to purple, the color of his hat. Another flower had bloomed above the one that was originally white, although the rest just looked like a regular vine.

"Hello," I slid into the seat across from Cam and took a deep breath, reveling in the air conditioning. "Just a little warm today, huh?"

"Just a little," Cam placed an origami cat onto the table and began working with another napkin. "Make sure your crops don't whither in all this dry weather."

I wiped some sweat off my face and nodded. "Well, I mean, I'd feel rather sheepish if half my income just straight up died due to my negligence. Especially considering I spent pretty much the entirety of spring getting acquainted with said half."

Cam nodded and placed an origami flower onto the table, "Laney asked me to make a bunch of these table decorations instead of just wrapping up the silverware in them. What do you think?"

"I think that would make a nice touch," I went ahead and handed Cam my napkin. It was a rich red color, as appeared to be the standard. "But I wouldn't bother if it'd be too much of a hassle for you. You still have a flower stand to worry over, after all."

Speaking of Laney, she floated over to our table and gave me a side hug. "Hello, Diana! Sorry, we're super busy today. There's just so much heat! What's up?"

I pressed my fingertips together and gave her a very serious look. "Do you, perchance, have a fine selection of iced creams for me to peruse?"

"Of course we do!" Laney giggled, pulling out a pen and pad. "What flavor would you like? We have chocolate, vanilla, buttered pecan, cookies 'n' cream, rocky road, cookie dough, peanut butter cookie dough, and vegan coconut."

Cam looked up from a very complicated-looking unfinished origami project. "I'll have cookies 'n' cream."

"Hm…" I thought very carefully about my options. "How about peanut butter cookie dough?"

Laney nodded and finished scribbling things down. "Good choice! Cone or bowl?"

"Bowl," Cam mentioned. "I'm almost done with the figures, by the way."

"Really?" Laney grinned. "That's great! Thank you so much for this, Cam. The costumers will love it!"

I shrugged. "Hit me with a cone. I've got some requests to finish before the day ends."

"You're not staying? I thought-" Laney shook her head free of whatever was bothering her. "Never mind. I'll be right back!" With a swish of her apron, Laney took off.

Cam and I sat in silence as he finished whatever he was working on. Eventually, he sighed contentedly and placed an ornate rose in full bloom on the table. "Finished."

I blinked. "Wait – that – that's _origami_? That's crazy!"

Cam locked eyes with me. For the first time since I met him, his lips pushed upwards into a smile just as delicate as the flowers he so loved.

I felt my heart give an uncomfortable lurch.

* * *

 _Singing, I love rock and roll,_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby,_

 _I love rock and roll,_

 _So come and take your time and dance with me_

 _Ow!_

* * *

The mountain air was as fresh and clean as ever. It helped me clear my head as I slowly licked my way through what I was fairly certain was a small portion of heaven. It was a good thing eating ice cream only requires one hand, too, since the other was preoccupied swatting bugs away. By the time I reached the top of the mountain, all evidence of my delicious treat was inside my stomach.

The goddess pond looked as cool and clear as ever. I rummaged around the inside of my pack for some mint and tossed it in. Sparkles began to shimmer around the "offering" and the HG herself leapt up from the water right above it. "Mint!" She grinned. "That's one of my favorites! Thank you, Diana. Did you want to talk about anything?"

I rubbed my forehead with a spare hand. "Just…saying hi," My hand dropped to my side. "Besides, if I had a reason, wouldn't you know about it already?"

"Nope!" the HG flung her hands in the air. "Your mind is a closed book to me. All I can really do is inform you of how many days you have left. It's a good thing you summoned me regardless, because I forgot to tell you something important!"

"Water the flowers you gave me?" I offered. "I've been doing that."

The harvest goddess' hands fell back to her sides. "Oh. Well, that and a few other things. First, the flowers themselves are pretty much just a mark of your personal efforts and not a true reflection of their feelings. Second, have you found any of the wonderful stones yet?"

"Yup. The red and orange ones. Why?"

"Oh, good!" she claps. "Look, once you get the blue, yellow, green, and purple ones, come to me. I'll enchant the boys to like you a bit more!"

I tried very hard to not say _look, it's bad enough you're forcing me to do this. No need to get magic into the mix._ Instead, I forced a, "I'll keep an eye out for them, then." The HG nods and sinks back into her pond again, leaving me alone.

With the wind on the mountain, it's really not that bad of a day. I take a moment to look out over the top of the mountain, looking down at the sea of trees swaying in the wind beneath me. Off at the very edge of the horizon, half-hidden by the mountain range, I could swear I saw a windmill turning in the breeze.

* * *

 _He smiled, so I got up and asked for his name_

 _But that don't matter, he said, 'cause it's all the same_

 _He said, "Can I take you home_

 _Where we can be alone?"_

 _And next we were moving on, he was with me, yeah me_

 _Next we were moving on, he was with me, yeah me_

* * *

I was always able to spot Konohana a little on my way down the mountain. The town looked very much like I had left it; nice and quiet with the gentle, indistinct sound of growing things.

Of course, what was not where I last left it was the tree root. "Gah!" There was no way I'd be recovering from this one. I spread my hands out in front of me, squeezed my eyes shut, and waited for the inevitable.

"Whoa! Are you okay?" Lavender. Tea. My sense of smell seems to be the first to register, shortly followed by touch. Whoever it is that just saved me from falling on my face like a butt has super soft clothes.

I push myself back before things could get weird. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

Dirk is roughly the same height as I am. If I were to summarize him in one word, it would most definitely be…gentle? Yeah, that's the sort of feeling I can detect. It's almost…sweet. I feel my heart leap into my throat.

"Oh! I've seen you on that TV show before. You're…Diana, right?" He smiles and never more have I wanted to not be here right now…because I have no choice. Maybe in some alternate universe I can convince myself the ends justify the means, but not here – not now. I force myself to smile and nod.

"Yeah. I never actually thought about it…I guess I am on TV, huh," I clear my throat. "Well, if it helps, I've heard about you, too. You're the mailman, right? Dirk, I believe?" I wipe the sweat off my palm and extend it for him to shake. "Sorry, that wasn't exactly the sort of first impression I had in mind."

Dirk's hands are soft – much softer than mine, at least – but the handshake is a little rough. He laughs. "Yeah, me neither! It's a good thing I caught you, huh?" He has green eyes, and they sparkle with merriment.

I snort. "I agree. Thanks for that, by the way. I'm not nearly that clumsy, I swear." I'm the first to let go of my hand, and it falls back to my side. Realization shocks me like a knife to the nervous system. "Oh! I'm probably getting in the way of you doing your job. Sorry, I'll just-"

Dirk shakes his head. "You're fine! There's not much to deliver today, so it's no big deal."

Yet again, I don't know how to proceed. Thankfully, I don't have to. "Diana!" Ina rushes over to me from the town. "Good, you're here. Come with me, I would like to talk to you."

Dirk took my hands in his own and gave them a good-bye shake. "It was nice meeting you! I guess I'll see you around sometime."

He let go and I followed Ina. "U-uh, yeah, bye."

* * *

 _Singing, I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with me_

 _Ow!_

 _He said, "Can I take you home_

 _Where we can be alone?"_

 _Next we're moving on, he was with me, yeah me_

 _And we'll be moving on and singing that same old song, yeah with me_

* * *

"So, Diana," Ina held my arm in her firm grip. She walked with firm steps to the town hall. "Since you will be here for the Konohanian Music Festival this fall, I have a few things I would like to ask you, if that's all right with you, of course."

I nodded, clearing my thoughts. "Yeah, of course. What's up?"

The inside of Konohana's town hall was clean and smelled like fresh flowers. Ina had the air conditioning on, so it was cool inside as well. Ina opened one of the doors on the main floor and pushed me inside. The room was quite spacious, with instruments lining the wall and a baby grand piano on a raised platform. Our steps seemed to echo with all the empty space around. I feel chills scramble up and down my back. "Well, for starters, can you play an instrument?" The door shut behind me with a snap and Ina finally let my arm go.

I rubbed said arm absent-mindedly, "Well, I mean, I used to take piano lessons, but I haven't really had time to play since I came here."

Ina nodded. "That will do. Would you mind playing something for me on the piano over there?"

I took slow, careful steps toward the piano, swallowing my unease. It was a beautiful piano – by the looks of things, it was well-kept. I took a seat at the piano bench and cracked my knuckles. By my legs was a box of music sheets. I closed my eyes and just sort of…picked one.

 _Moonsetter_. I blinked in surprise – this was a song I knew well. But, the question remained; did I know it well enough to play?

The song was split into three music sheets – one for the piano, one for the viola (or was it violin? I never knew) and one for the cello. I placed the piano one on the music stand and, with careful hands, began to play.

The steady, calming melody of the song filled the air. I began to play with more purpose, my head supplying the stringed instruments to accompany me.

I got about halfway through the song before Ina stopped me. "Yes, you'll do wonderfully."

"For what?" I took my hands off the keyboard, looking up at the mayor.

Ina sighed and took a seat next to me on the piano bench. "Well, I managed to convince a talented musician named Mikhail to come preform for us this Music Festival. One thing lead to another, you see, and I realized I didn't have a piano player to accompany him. Interesting choice, as well. Did you know that was the song he had in mind to play?"

"No," I shook my head, stroking the keys while I talked. 'It's a lovely piece, though, don't you think?"

Ina was already deep in thought. "Yes, yes, lovely. There should be a music hall like this in Bluebell – if the other guy," bitterness dripped from her voice "is susceptible, I would like for you to practice this as often as possible. You sort of…well, I'm certain there's a musical term for it, but you seemed to stutter a bit, don't you think?"

"I see what you mean," I grasped the music sheet, holding it in callused hands. "But for my first time playing this particular song, I think I did okay, what do you think?"

Ina nodded fervently. "Oh, yes, absolutely. I don't know much about music – my parents forced me to learn piano when I was younger, but nothing ever really stuck with me. Carry on, then. Sorry to occupy so much of your time, Diana." She stood and ushered me out of the room, making sure I had the piano accompaniment to _Moonsetter_ before seeing me off.

I didn't spend much time by myself. "Hello, Diana…" Reina had her hands held behind her back and nodded in greeting. "How are you today?"

I stuffed the music sheets into my rucksack. "I've been doing fairly well, all things considered. You?"

"I am perfectly well, yes," Reina pulled out a notebook and began flipping through it absent-mindedly. "Your birthday is only a few days from now, correct?"

I blinked. "Yeah…the thirteenth. Why?"

"Just curious," The botanist crossed her arms. Reina was never one for complexity, and it showed in her simple blue getup. She was petite, but slender, like a blue tulip in bloom. I suppose I'd be more along the lines of a large, awkward sunflower. "You know…" she avoided my gaze. "Never mind."

I lifted my eyebrow. "Hm?"

"It's just…" Reina shuffled her feet, fingering a small plant she brought with her from the mountain. "We all care about you, okay? Don't forget it." She turned on her heels and briskly trotted away.

* * *

 _Singing I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with me_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with-_

* * *

I decided to grab some grub at Yun's before hiking back up the mountain. It would be a while before it got dark, so I wasn't worried or anything. The door (curtain?) opened and I felt myself bump into something large and muscular.

"Hey, Diana! What's up?" Kana laughs and gives me a hug. "I was just thinking about you, too – what a coincidence!"

I return the embrace before politely stepping back. "Really? That's crazy!"

"I guess it is, huh? Hey, you wanna eat with me? I was about to see if Hiro would, but I'll need someone to convince him to stay and not work his face off again. You know how he is." Kana did some dismissive gesture that was meant to convey something along the lines of "what with the doctoring and such" before stepping back and letting me inside the teahouse.

Yun looked up from some dish or another and smiled at me. "Oh, hello, Diana. It's nice to see you again! Why don't you take a seat?"

"Yeah! I'll see if Hiro wants to eat with us. Be right back!" Kana walked out the restaurant, leaving me alone with the grandmother and Ying. The small girl apparently had some sort of lung problem, which lead her to live with her grandma where the air was cleaner. She was cute and sweet as a sugar cube, all covered in ribbons and shades of pink. She gave me a quiet smile, which I returned.

I took a few steps inside. "Hey, you sure you don't need any help, Yun? You know I'm available."

"Not this time, dear," Yun was working on some sort of stir-fry, flipping noodles and vegetables into the air only to have them land back in the pan. "I know you're busy as a bee on State Farm, and I wouldn't want to be a bother to you."

I sighed and resigned myself to taking a seat. "All right, fine," I brushed off invisible dust from my skirt. "But I do want to help at some point, even if it's something minor. Deal?"

Yun chuckled. "Deal."

It didn't take long before Kana galloped his way back inside, Hiro in tow. The doctor's apprentice looked very sheepish and confused, and that look of confusion only increased when he saw me sitting there, calmly fiddling with the napkins.

I still have no idea how Cam made that rose. I'll have to pester him for origami lessons later. I waved the bachelors over. "Welcome to the party! I saved you some seats."

"You should have seen it!" Kana snorted. "Ayame practically kicked him out the door!"

Hiro sighed. "Somedays, I wonder if I'm the only one who's completely serious about my studies."

"Think of it this way," I did some hand gesture that was supposed to convey 'consider the following.' "There's a difference between dutifully studying and going overboard and losing all your friends, yeah? We all want you to succeed, don't get me wrong," I picked up the napkin and began fiddling with it again. "But we also want to be your friends, y'know?"

Hiro shook his head and smiled at me. "I suppose I'll have to take your word for it, Diana."

"At least some people have common sense." My mouth split into a grin.

We spent a while hanging out and enjoying ourselves, eating the food and chatting. I took it as a chance to get to know the boys a bit better, and vice-versa, from what I could tell.

* * *

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So put another dime in the jukebox, baby_

 _I love rock and roll_

 _So come and take your time and dance with me_

* * *

I left the teahouse a few hours later, and began my steady hike up the mountain. In the quiet cloak of night, I even took the opportunity to catch a few beetles and fireflies as gifts or to sell. The temperature was slowly beginning to drop, although it wouldn't be for too long.

I found myself back home before too late. All the animals were fast asleep, the crops received their second watering, and I changed before collapsing on the bed, dead to the world.

1,362.

* * *

 **FUN FACTS DID YOU KNOW:**

 **-Technically speaking, both Diana and Kana were born on "Summer 13." However, Diana was born in June and Kana was born in August; Dirk, on July 12. Summer babiiiieessss ;u;**

 **- _Moonsetter_ is a song from Homestuck! I really like it. It's a very beautiful piano/viola(?)/cello melody.**

 **-I never feel like I can nail the endings on any of these chapters orz**


	4. MANiCURE

**A/N: Okay so I know I haven't updated in literally forever and I apologize. I had a bout of writer's block and now I just could never really find the time to write stuff out, haha.**

 **HOWEVER.**

 **I'm had this story be my project for Camp NaNo this July while I was traveling and stuff! Basically this means I spent the first half of July working on this and although I didn't finish it I do have a few chapters ready so I can update again. GET HYPE.**

 **This chapter's song is MANiCURE by Lady GaGa. I…don't know why I like this song, but dang if it isn't catchy.**

 **Now that we got that out of the way, here cometh the next chapter!**

* * *

 _Put some lipstick on_

 _Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on_

 _Rinse and curl your hair_

 _Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear_

 _I'm the one who's been coming around looking to loving you_

 _You're the medicine,_

 _I need to heal the way you make me feel_

* * *

My birthday started off with a bang. Literally. I woke up to thunder that shook the very core of the earth. Ordinarily, thunder never bothered me, probably because we had so many thunderstorms when I was young. That didn't mean a sudden KA-KOOM couldn't scare the tar out of me now and again.

Once I shot up in bed in surprise, I blearily looked around my humble abode. My pet cat Whisper and her littermate, a puppy who I dubbed Casper, were curled around each other completely asleep. I'd only intended to get a cat since, although I liked dogs, I always preferred cats – but since the two of them had been together since birth (and I couldn't say no to Casper's happy corgi face) I ended up with the both of them. They took to the farm life easily with little training and helped with the livestock. I watched Casper snort a little in his sleep and smiled; probably they could sense this rain would permeate throughout the day and decided to sleep in. I turned to look at my digital clock-and-radio, blinking at the harsh red 5:00 AM stabbing my eyes. A harsh yawn wracked my body and I mentally debated turning over and going back to sleep or getting my chores out of the way in order to have the rest of my day to myself. Another roll of thunder, gentler this time, decided for me. I sighed and pulled an outfit from my dresser, heading into my small bathroom to shower.

After I finished my daily hygiene, the storm had quieted to a steady trickle. Outside, the sun had risen but was hiding behind the clouds, painting everything a gentle shade of grey. I went through my chores in a somewhat sleepy daze; harvesting some crops, brushing my livestock, dealing with Rain. General stuff. I looked up at the sound of footsteps in the rain, my face softening into a smile when I saw Dirk.

"Happy birthday, Diana!" He waved at me, and I returned the gesture, trotting over at him.

"Thanks Dirk! What are you-" I covered my mouth and let out a yawn. "-Doing here so early?"

He shuffled around in his mail pouch, and I walked him into the house. "I wanted to deliver everyone's birthday cards first thing." He held out a small mountain of cards. "You'll be heading over later today, right?"

I took the cards and slapped them down on the table. "Yup. Hey, since you're here, want to have breakfast with me? I haven't eaten yet." Dirk waved off my preposition.

"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly. It's you birthday a-"

"I'm making omelet rice."

"I'm in."

* * *

 _I'm gon' be manicured_

 _You wanna be man cured_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be man cured_

 _Salon's enough for her_

 _Not to feel so insecure_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be taken care of_

* * *

Dirk insisted on helping me cook, and I let him. It was…really nice, actually. Getting to know each other better, that is. My initial impression of him remained the same, even when he seemed as lively as a twelve-year-old.

"So," I leaned against the kitchen counter, not really sure how to broach the topic I most wanted to know. "I know everyone must have asked you this and you're probably sick of answering, but…what brought you to the Mountain?"

The mailman finished one of the omelets and cracked open two more eggs, whisking them absent-mindedly. He seemed distant, as if his mental guard was up. My mental _YOU FUCKED UP_ alarm blared. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to! I mean, I didn't exactly intend to end up here myself, and I can't really say why. I can understand if it's the same for you."

"It's fine, Diana. I don't mind telling you." He smiled at me, a smile which didn't reach his vibrant emerald eyes. "Well, it's kind of silly, really. See, there was this girl."

I nodded in understanding. "When isn't it?"

Dirk laughed. A harsh laugh. "Yeah, right? Anyways. She moved to my hometown several years ago since the town's mayor was her dad's college friend and he owed a favor. You ever heard of Zephyr Bazaar? That's us."

"Stuff from all over the world is sold there, or so I've heard." I idly tapped my fingers on the counter, avoiding Dirk's eyes. "The place is an economic playground or something, yeah?"

Dirk fiddled with the spatula, keeping an eye on the food. "Yup. For a while though things weren't doing so hot, what with the market crash a decade ago pretty much putting all technological progress to a halt for a while. We were the biggest, so we took the hardest hit. You know the saying. I'm getting off track." The mailman combed a hand through his hair, crumping his hat in a spare hand. "Anyways, so this girl shows up as a favor from her dad to help out, right? She was really quiet. Sort of like you, actually. But…very nice. She was always patient with me – I was a real troublemaker back in the day, you know – and had this way with the earth that just… _wow_." He sighed, momentarily lost in the past. I did him the solid of keeping an eye on the food and flipping over the omelet. The sound seemed to snap him back into the present. "Sorry, you probably don't want to hear all this on your birthday."

I waved that off. "It's okay. I don't mind. Uh, the food's done, by the way." I took the plates and headed to the table, Dirk following dutifully. When I looked back at him, he gave me a genuine smile. "So," I took my seat and cut a piece of the omelet. "What happened?"

"Isn't it obvious? I kind of fell in love with her. Me and everyone else. She wasn't just a farming prodigy, she was crazy into economics and stuff. Helped us get out of our slump and back onto the map – helped everyone, really. Once we were on our feet, the end of the depression wasn't far off." He took a bite of omelet rice and sighed dreamily. "For a while, I really thought I had a chance. I really thought she liked me back."

I stared into my breakfast, feeling another uncomfortable lurch in my chest. "I know that feeling." I buried my mumbling in another bite of the food (it was really good actually) "Let me guess, you were on the brink of confessing, and then…"

"…she told me she liked this foreign guy." There was a somber silence hanging in the air. "You've had that thing happen to you too? Is that why you're here?"

"Not directly, but…sort of, yeah." I cleared my throat and forced myself to look him in the eye. "Look, I'm glad you told me all this. Really. It's not good to hold all that pain inside, you know?"

He gave me a small, half-smile. "I'm learning. Thanks for listening, Diana. I hope…I hope we both get our happy endings."

Another uncomfortable lurch from my heart. I forced myself to smile back. "Me too."

* * *

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _I'm addicted to the love that you garner_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Lookin' serial killer, man is a goner_

 _Touch me in the dark_

 _Put your hands all over my body parts_

 _Throw me on the bed_

 _Squeeze, tease me, please me–that's what I said!_

 _'cause I'm the trick who's been coming 'round looking to loving you_

 _You're the, the medicine_

 _I need to heal the way, the way you make me feel_

* * *

A flash of light. "I suppose you want to talk about the Dirk thing."

"You're damn right I want to talk about the Dirk thing." I huffed and paced alongside the edge of the goddess pond. "How could you have me do…Why would you…when he's heartbroken like that!"

The harvest goddess sighed. "Diana, please, calm down. I'll explain what happened."

"Why should I-" I let out a livid grunt and kicked the ground, venting my frustrations that way. "Fine. _Fine_. You have like, five minutes."

The harvest goddess reached out and gently placed a wet hand on my shoulder. "The farmer for Zephyr town. Her name was Anita, and she was a manipulative bitch – er, pardon my bluntness. In a way I'm almost impressed, how long she was able to keep up her charade. Do you really think she wasn't aware of Dirk's fledgling heart? No. What happened was she saw an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – to marry a prince – and took it. As a patron of romance, nothing sickens me more. I cursed their marriage and led Dirk here – to you."

"So I could break his heart all over again? What is _wrong_ with you?" I shrugged her hand off my shoulder.

The H.G. stamped her foot on the surface of the pond and put her hands on her hips. "That's not it and you know it. Dirk needs someone like you, Diana. All of the boys here do. Including Mikhail, and he's not even here yet. Everyone here has some dark stain on their past – even you. Why let the past define us?"

"Easy for _you_ to say. You're immortal!" I threw my hands in the air and huffed again. "Look, I know this might be difficult to understand, but it takes a lot of time for things like that to heal. Certainly not four years' worth!" I piped up at seeing her mouth open. "I'll give you credit that it might not interfere with you dumb plan, but it doesn't exactly make things easy for me."

"Oh, Diana." The harvest goddess smiled. A cruel smile. "Who said this would be _easy_?"

* * *

 _I'm gon' be manicured_

 _You wanna be man cured_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be man cured_

 _Salon's enough for her_

 _Not to feel so insecure_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be taken care of_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _I'm addicted to the love that you garner_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Lookin' serial killer, man is a goner_

* * *

It was about nine in the morning when I headed back down to Bluebell, letting my angers and frustrations evaporate into minor annoyance. I kicked a tree branch too, just for the sake of it. I don't know why I left so soon after breakfast to talk to some dumb deity – all it did was waste time.

The rain pitter-pattered against my umbrella. Somewhere, far away, lightning must have struck, since the almost-indistinct sound of faraway thunder growled in my ears. I sighed and kicked another tree branch, venting the last bit of frustration as Bluebell came into sight. Another sound came to my ears, this one less distinct. I tilted my head to the side, listening intently. It almost sounded like…

"DIANA! HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!" Cheryl slammed into my side, almost causing me to tip off-balance.

I chuckled and returned the hug. "Thanks, kiddo! It's just gotten a little happier thanks to you." I let the small child go and knelt down to her level. "How has your day been so far?"

"Good!" Cheryl grinned and twirled around, getting increasingly wet due to her being umbrella-less. "Hey, do you want to go bug catching with me? Pleeeease?" she grabbed onto my hand and began pulling me back into the mountain.

I let out a short laugh. "I haven't talked to anyone else yet! What are you up to?"

" _I'm_ not up to anything!" Cheryl grinned up at me, showing her hands "See? No crossed fingers! I just wanted to go bug catching with you today, that's all!" she latched onto my arm and began pulling me back into the forest. "C'mon! Let's go let's go let's _gooooo_!"

I lifted my other, free arm in surrender, taking one stride with two of her steps. "All right, I'm coming."

The trees above trembled and shook with the rainfall, the drops of water splashing to the ground in a quiet symphony. Although I wasn't sure if we'd be able to find many bugs worth catching, there was most certainly a possibility of fishing if I could get Cheryl to calm down. The younger rancher skipped along the stony path, chattering on about whatever it was that small children cared about.

I was content to listen to her babble on while we scoured the earth for bugs and frogs to catch. Cheryl seemed to enjoy having someone let her take the reins, and the next thing I knew we had acquired a minor army of creepy-crawlies. Most of them we let go, of course. "You know what, Diana?" Cheryl dusted off her apron, soaking wet and coated in a layer of mud.

"What's that?" I lifted a high-quality bug and examined it carefully within its cage, considering whether or not I should save it for a gift or just sell it. I ended up shoving it in my rucksack with a shrug. Although I'd gotten a little muddy myself, the umbrella helped a lot in keeping me (mostly) dry.

Cheryl pushed back one of her pigtails. "I think you're okay." This caught me off-guard, and I let out a snort.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You're okay too." I grinned at the little girl and released the majority of the rarer bugs back into the wild. I looked down at my mud-splattered jeans. "I should probably take a shower or something… I'm a mess."

Cheryl nodded and stood. "Yeah! And come to my house for lunch afterwards, okay? I have a surprise for you!" She giggled at her own disheveled appearance. "I'm still cute, even covered in mud!"

"Hey, I'm not going to turn down free food." I ruffled her hair. "I'll see you as soon as I'm all cleaned up, okay?"

The redhead gave me that one little-kid look. The one that says 'you just made my entire life up to this point.' "Okay! Don't be late, it's really special!"

"Special surprise, got it. Need me to walk you ho-"

"Cheryl." An emotionless voice called out over the rain. I turned and immediately felt like instead of being a little muddy I was covered in sewage. Cam stood beneath his cerulean umbrella, one hand holding onto it; the other in a pocket. He looked suave, rocking a simple purple blouse and…were those dress pants? Most shocking, though, was that his hat was missing. He looked different without it. I instinctively looked at the ground.

"Cam! What are you doing here, haha…?" Cheryl nervously shifted her weight from one leg to another, her voice trembling with nerves.

The florist cracked a smirk and walked over. "Your mom sent me looking for you. She's really worried, you know."

"Yeah, yeah." Cheryl sighed, giving me a good-bye hug and trotting over. "Bye, Diana!"

"Bye, Cheryl." I waved good-bye and headed back to my farm. "See you soon!"

Cam herded the little girl back into the main part of town without even a word spoken between us. I didn't really know what to think of that….or the Cheryl mud print on my shirt.

* * *

 _Manicure!_

 _Manicure!_

 _Heal me_

 _'Cause I'm addicted to love_

 _Save me_

 _'Cause I'm addicted to love_

 _Man cured!_

 _I'm gon' be manicured_

 _You wanna be man cured_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be man cured_

 _Salon's enough for her_

 _Not to feel so insecure_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be taken care of_

* * *

It was probably for the best that I had to change, since it meant I could start a load of laundry that I'd been putting off. I felt significantly cleaner once I slid into a simple blue shirt and some jean capris. My hair was getting pretty long – I'd have to get it cut pretty soon – so I ended up pulling it back for the moment. I gave myself a look-over in the mirror, nodding in approval before heading out the door.

In many ways, I was glad to have so much space to myself – it allowed plenty of room to breathe, so to speak. Considering I've almost always had to share my living space with someone it was a welcome change, even if a bit lonely. The air was warm, like a blanket. A blanket that makes you sweat like a fat person on the way to a doughnut joint or something.

It didn't take long to walk over to Ash's house after that. I was getting pretty hungry since breakfast was so long ago, but I had faith in Jessica's cooking. The door had a simple welcome plaque on it, and a knocker that looked like a cow with its nose pierced. I tapped the knocker ring against the wood of the door and shifting my weight from foot to foot, wiping my palms on my pants and adjusting my shirt.

The door swung inwards, but no one was there to greet me. The inside of the house was pitch dark. "Hello?" I shut the door behind me and stepped further in, the hairs on the back of my neck rising.

For a while, there was silence. Then…

* * *

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _I'm addicted to the love that you garner_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Can you feel it?_

 _Lookin' serial killer, man is a goner_

* * *

"Happy birthday!" Laney and the rest of Bluebell jumped from behind various bits of furniture, the lights suddenly on. Georgina jumped on me in a bone-crushing hug. Howard lifted the both of us up and squeezed. "Happy birthday Diana dear~" He sang before putting us down.

"Were you surprised?" Georgina grinned from ear to ear, pushing me to arm's length.

I felt myself grin back. "Heck yeah!" I wiped away some happy tears "Thank you – all of you – so much!"

Ash materialized at my shoulder. "You have no idea how hard it was to keep the whole thing from you." He was wearing a regular polo and jeans, with the addition of a bowtie. Georgina wore pretty much the same thing, except instead of the bowtie she had a chocker with a horse charm. "Especially Cheryl. She really likes you, y'know."

"I can imagine." I felt myself beam at him, and a small voice in the back of my head whispered _please be appealing_. Ash smiled back, offering a lopsided grin. I tucked a spare lock of hair behind my ear. "So, what's on the schedule for the party? I'm up for anything."

Laney showed up, wearing a nice, but not overly fancy red dress and carrying a stack of board games. "We're playing all these and there's nothing you can do about it! TO THE TABLE!" She led the way through the crowd of Bluebell inhabitants, everyone wishing me a happy birthday. Eileen slapped me on the back. Rutger and Rose offered me a handshake and a hug, respectively. Grady gave me a thumbs-up, one which I returned.

Cam (he was wearing the same stuff as earlier) took most of the games from Laney and set them in an empty chair at the table. "Happy birthday," He didn't look me in the eye.

"Thank you – I mean it." I smiled at him and gave him a short side-hug. He stiffened but relaxed and even hugged me back a little before letting go like I had burned him.

Laney decided she was going to start this off with a bang, apparently, because she set up Monopoly. "No house rules." She narrowed her eyes at Ash, who lifted his hands in a symbol of surrender.

"What? They make the game more interesting." He offered.

"And last forever," Georgina remarked in a dry tone, sliding into her seat. "We played that one game for like a week last time, remember?"

Cam took a seat across from the horse fanatic. "Was that the game Cheryl won because Ash traded away Park Place?"

"I regret nothing! She offered me B&O and Reading Railroad – how was I going to say no to that?" Ash threw his hands in the air and took a seat next to Cam. I took the seat near the end of the table, so there was a chair between me and the florist.

"She could have offered you Mediterranean and you still would have traded, Ash." Laney tut-tutted and took her seat next to Georgina. "You and your sister, I swear."

I lunged forward while everyone was distracted and grabbed the little money bags token. "I claim the cash money. Tremble in fear, peasants… maniacal laughter!" Laney snorted as she grabbed the thimble.

Cam grabbed the wheelbarrow. "I claim the wheelbarrow."

"I got the car!" Ash grabbed the little metal token.

"And, as always, horse guy." Georgina grabbed the last token for the game, and the chaos began.

Things were going pretty smoothly until Cam somehow ended up buying two railroads in one turn completely legally. Then it all slowly deteriorated into complete and total anarchy. Cam and Georgina were out relatively quickly once they landed on one of Laney's hotel'd up yellow spaces. Weirdly enough, though, it was Laney who fell prey to Ash who got all the red spaces early on and had been slowly feeding off of everyone to build hotels. Then it was just me and him, with the board split between the two of us. Cam, Laney, and Georgina had already started a card game and continued talking. We were in our own little money-based world.

We just kept going. Turn after turn, tip-toeing around each other. It probably could have been really intense, but I was enjoying it greatly. Ash was pretty nonchalant about it all, so we spent most of the time talking. I grabbed the dice in my left hand and tossed it onto the board. "So…that's how I adopted my first cat. He was a good guy, too. Really patient with little kid me." I moved the bag of money six spaces across the board, landing on a chance. "Oh dang. Immediate go to jail, calling it." Ash laughed as I picked up the little orange card. "'You have been elected chairman of the board, pay each player fifty dollars.' - That's not too bad. Here's your cash money, dawg." I tossed the colored paper at the rancher and handed him the dice too for good measure.

"I've never really adopted an animal. Cheryl leaves some leftovers for the stray cats, though." Ash rolled the dice onto the board. "Oh, hey, did I tell you about the time she put a grasshopper in Laney's tea?"

Laney shuddered. "I can't believe I almost drank that."

"Now she always keeps a very close eye on the cups," Cam smiled and placed down a card. "Although Cheryl hasn't pranked any of us since."

Georgina giggled hysterically at the memory. "That was the best! I've never seen Laney so frazzled." She slapped her hand on the table and snorted into her drink.

Ash moved his car a few spaces, landing just shy of one of my properties. "Ugh, land on one of my spaces already." I bit the inside of my cheek, furrowing my brows in frustration. Ash handed me the dice, our hands brushing against each other for a short moment. Looking up from the board, this seemed to embarrass him or something, since he avoided my eyes.

"Come on, high roll." I tossed the dice onto the board, groaning in frustration at seeing one die land on three, and the other one. I reluctantly moved my token onto one of the red spaces with a hotel. "How much do I owe you?"

Ash took a quick look at the deed for 'Forget-Me-Not Valley' and beamed. "About one thousand and fifty, if you please." I let out a low whistle of appreciation.

"Wow, that's…much more than I expected. Okay, um…" I shuffled through my precious monopoly money, scraping up the needed cash but leaving me with only a few measly twenties to my glorious empire. "Now you _really_ need to land on one of my spaces." We all shared a laugh; I dropped the money and the dice into Ash's hands.

Ash rolled the dice onto the board. "This is much more fun than I thought it would be. Ooh, that's your space, Diana. How much do I owe?"

I checked my card and smirked. "That'll be two thousand, if you please. I'll be taking my money back now," my smirk faded into a lopsided grin. "I'm having a lot of fun too. This whole thing…it's much more than I could have asked for."

"You're just saying that because you're about to make bank," Cam pointed out, emotionless.

I shrugged. "Hey, if the boot fits." Laney slapped a card down on the table and let out a triumphant sound.

"Take that, Georgina! Plus four, color is red!"

Georgina placed a red plus-two card as Ash doled out the cash. "Now it's plus-six. Pay up, Cam."

"Plus-eight." Cam placed a yellow plus-two card down on the table.

Laney huffed. "Reverse back to you! Take that!" She slammed a yellow reverse on the table. I snorted at their antics and rolled the dice again.

* * *

 _(I'm gon' be manicured_

 _You wanna be manicured_

 _Ma ma ma manicure_

 _She wanna be manicured)_

* * *

"Happy birthday to you~" Howard placed a rather large cake on the table, now clear of board games.

"Happy birthday to you!" Eileen grinned and slapped me on the back again.

"Happy birthday, dear Diana…" Laney and Cam sang together, the florist avoiding my gaze again.

"Happy birthday toooooooooo…" Ash held the note for as long as he could, sounding like a lost dog until Cheryl kicked him in the shin, forcing the "you!" out and leaving him breathless for a little while. Everyone all laughed with him at that while I closed my eyes, thinking hard about what I wanted my wish to be.

 _I wish..._ the thought began. _I wish Konohana and Bluebell would stop hating each other._ My eyes were closed, but I apparently blew all the candles out in one go. I heard that meant my wish was supposed to come true.

I could have wished for something selfish, like seeing my family again. But wishing selfishly helps no one – at least, so I've heard. Jessica cut the cake – chocolate, my favorite. The frosting had been designed to look like a particularly happy cow, with "Happy birthday Diana!" written on its flank. Apparently, it was tradition or something. I didn't care so long as the cake held up.

It did. I practically moaned once I took a bite. Once again, I felt my eyes began filling with happy tears. "Thank you. All of you. This is – I just – it's more than I could have ever asked for."

Laney gave me a side-hug. "You're the best shot we have at getting Ina and Rutger to reconcile. I'm very thankful for that." she whispered, before loudly adding "You're a very dear friend to all of us, Diana. Right, Cam?"

"Yeah." Cam looked very different without his hat, his eyes darted around – without a hat to hide behind when feeling bashful, he looked exposed. "I, uh…I'm glad we're…friends." He said 'friends' with a sort of finality to it, albeit an unhappy one.

I offered a patient smile. "Me too." Cam suddenly looked very red and avoided my gaze again. Nobody else seemed to notice – they were trying to prevent Ash from serving himself half the cake.

The party winding down, I said good-bye (and thank you) to everyone still there and took a few cake slices home with me, feeling oddly light. Was this what it was like, I wondered, having a whole community have your back?

The walk home seemed much shorter. I did my evening chores in a sort of daze, but with the unmistakable feeling I had forgotten something important. It hit me once I walked inside my home and noticed the stack of cards on my counter.

"Oh no…"

* * *

 _Man cure!_

 _Man cure!_

* * *

 **FUN FACTS DIDYA KNOW:**

 **-I think this is actually the longest chapter so far! *Blows kazoo triumphantly* It also took the longest to write. I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG. But I'm determined to finish this one, and if you're reading this than it looks like I was just determined enough! This should be my first completed fanfic ever which is pretty excited! I have a few ideas yet – not all exactly HM-related though – and finishing this one should be the straw that breaks the camel's back and helps me work on, and eventually finish, those projects too!**

 **-Although he may not look it, Cam is a strict believer in the Bro Code.**

 **-I KNOW THE DIRK SCENE SUCKED AND I'M SORRY D:  
**

 **NEXT CHAPTER: Will need to be rewritten so it'll be up whenever it's done.  
**


	5. Troublemaker

**A/N: I'll admit to purposefully putting this off since the original draft sucked horribly and I didn't want to work through the pain again. This should be basically entirely different from that horror, though, so we're all good.**

 **This chapter's song is "Troublemaker" by Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida!**

* * *

 _You're a troublemaker_

 _You're a troublemaker..._

 _You ain't nothing but a troublemaker, girl_

 _You had me hooked again from the minute you sat down_

 _The way you bite your lip got my head spinnin' around_

 _After a drink or two I was putty in your hands_

 _I don't know if I have the strength to stand, oh oh oh..._

* * *

I woke up on the day of the cooking festival with a headache from hell. I immediately groaned and rolled over, slamming the alarm clock with my fist. Casper jumped onto my chest and began licking my face, and I gave him a little rub behind the ears.

"Good morning to you too, buddy. Hang on, I'll get your food…" I put the small dog on the floor and crawled out of bed, standing up and stretching… only to stop when my leg began to charley horse. Today was not going to be my day.

At least my shower was hot. I yawned, breathing in the steam. My head continued to pound like someone was doing construction work upstairs, but I pushed through.

My small collection of pill bottles rattled at me as I opened the medicine cabinet. Some sort of law meant I could just go get a new bottle when my old one expired – like a pseudo-refill – if it was medication necessary for my health, however all I really had was the standard stuff – meds for colds and headaches; decent birth control and morning-after pills that didn't screw with my body too badly. Y'know, in the off chance I ever get laid.

I popped one headache pill dry and took another with breakfast. Over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, I took a sip of water. I didn't drink, so I seriously doubt I'm having a hangover. What were the other causes of a headache again?

The empty plate of what used to be bacon n' eggs was halfway to the sink when I picked up the sound of something being pushed through my mail slot. Dirk would be off work today due to the festival…maybe something happened?

"Dirk? Is that you?" I placed my plate in the sink and hurried over. No response, beyond the sound of someone booking it in the distance. Oh great, a mystery.

On the floor was the plainest-looking white envelope in the world. If there was ever a Perfectly Generic Envelope, this was it – crisp, white envelope with my name on the front in plain black print. Whoever sent me this clearly didn't want to be discovered.

Inside was some real high-quality paper – the "you'll know it when you feel it" kind – that contained a recipe and a haiku written in clean, black-inked cursive. The recipe was for some kind of kebab main dish, in line with the festival today. The haiku said this:

 _Your words like the sun_

 _Shine quite warmly in my heart_

 _Do you feel the same?_

Oh brother.

* * *

 _Trouble troublemaker, yeah_

 _That's your middle name, oh oh oh..._

 _I know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain_

 _And I wanna know..._

 _Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh oh?_

 _My mind keeps saying,_

 _"Run as fast as you can."_

 _I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh..._

 _I swear you're giving me a heart attack_

 _Troublemaker!_

* * *

I ended up folding the haiku and tucking it away inside my jacket to be dealt with later. If nothing else, I can ask Laney about it. She practically hid a shipping chart in her apron – if I wanted an educated guess on the identity of this "secret admirer" she'd be the first person to ask. I also went ahead and made the kebabs as well. If nothing else, it tasted like heaven incarnate.

My headache reduced to a small ache approximately around my right temple – something manageable, I guess. I yawned, stretched, and headed outside to face the day.

The sun glared at me from its perch in the sky, but I ignored it and went about my chores as usual. Taking care of the animals, watering the plants…stuff like that. A few radishes were ready for harvest, and I plucked them from the earth, replacing them with some onion seeds. The earth was warm, and my crops seemed to absorb the heat into themselves, as well. I stretched and stood, shoving everything back into my rucksack.

It was a festival day, which meant we would get no reprieve from the glaring sun and its heat. There was hardly a cloud in the sky, and not much of a breeze. This was going to suck.

* * *

 _It's like you're always there in the corners of my mind_

 _I see your silhouette every time I close my eyes_

 _There must be poison in those finger tips of yours_

 _'Cause I keep comin' back again for more, oh oh oh..._

 _Trouble troublemaker, yeah_

 _That's your middle name, oh oh oh..._

 _I know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain_

* * *

Halfway up the mountainside my vision went dark. I immediately got off the path and into the shade, collapsing onto a rock as the sudden urge to puke welled up. I squeezed my eyes shut and grasped my water bottle, my arms feeling limp and noodley. _Not again_ …

I took a few gulps of water, a few shaky breaths, my vision came back, but it was…disoriented, like I was drunk or something. I closed my eyes again and downed the rest of my water bottle, wiping sweat off my brow.

The first time this happened, my mom and I were in line for a roller coaster. The night before I didn't sleep, and I barely drank, so when my vision went dark we moved to a table in the shade and mom got me a few water bottles to guzzle. I slept for a while, but then I was good as new.

My hearing went…fuzzy, like someone had stuffed cotton in my ears. I leaned back on the rock and kept my eyes shut, not daring to move further in case I threw up my breakfast.

I don't know when it happened, but at some point everything just…faded away.

* * *

 _And I wanna know..._

 _Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh oh?_

 _My mind keeps saying,_

 _"Run as fast as you can."_

 _I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh..._

 _I swear you're giving me a heart attack_

 _Troublemaker_

 _Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh (hurt so bad)?_

 _My mind keeps saying,_

 _"Run as fast as you can."_

 _Troublemaker_

 _I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh..._

 _I swear you're giving me a heart attack_

 _Troublemaker_

* * *

"…a"

"-na."

"Diana!"

I let out a groan, trying to sit up before a hand pushes me back into some cold water. "You need to rest." The voice was rough, but I could detect a sense of…panic? I forced my eyes to open, seeing an awful lot of purple.

"Cam? What's going-"

"I found you on my way up the mountain," Cam placed a wet cloth napkin on my forehead, his green eyes filled with a sadness that was hard to place. "You had a heat stroke." I heard a huff.

"It was heat _exhaustion_ , actually, but if Cam hadn't found you in time…" Another voice. Hiro? The doctor-in-training moved into my field of view, sticking a thermometer in my mouth. He looked concerned, his face scrunched up in concentration as he watched the digital numbers on the thermometer in my mouth tick up slowly. "Well…it wouldn't have been pleasant. Did you drink enough water this morning?"

"I…I think I did. How much is enough, again?" My voice was scratchy, and dry. Cam handed me a cup of water, and I sat up to drink it. It was at this point I realized I was sitting in my underwear in a metal tub full of ice water. I felt my face heat up even more. Thank goodness I decided to wear the red stuff today.

I didn't get a reply. Hiro took the thermometer from my mouth and examined it closely. Cam hovered around him, his mouth a thin line. Hiro's expression was unreadable, his stance painfully professional. "You should be fine, but I'd recommend you head back to your farm right away and rest. Cam-"

The florist handed me a soft velvet-colored towel. "I'll take her home. Uh…thanks, doc."

Hiro nodded and scurried out of the door. Dr. Ayame walked in right after him, looking much more at ease. "You all right, kiddo?" She ruffled my hair and extended a hand to help me out of the tub. I took it and stood on slightly uneasy feet.

"I think I'll be fine." I wrapped the towel around my middle, feeling significantly less self-conscious when my midriff wasn't showing. Ayame shooed Cam off with a very stern look and shut the door behind him.

"Your clothes are a bit too icky to wear. The blonde girl – Laney, I think? – offered some of her stuff, but I think it might be a bit too small." Ayame nudged my side with her elbow. "You're a bit too sturdy, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "Beats being fat. So am I supposed to walk home in my underwear?"

"Nope." Ayame tossed me a plain off-white shirt covered in paint splatters and a pair of well-worn jeans. "Put these on and I'm out of here. Normally I'm only in Bluebell for yearly checkups. It's nice to see what it looks like in the summer for a change, you know?"

I pulled the shirt on; pulling the neckline up to keep it from slipping off my right shoulder. The jeans were in the uncanny valley of not quite wide enough to need a belt, but not quite narrow enough that they won't slide off me and puddle on the floor like a cartoon. "I must look really stupid."

"Trust me, Diana, I've seen much worse." Ayame pulled out a folder and examined a few of the documents inside. "I'm prescribing a day of rest for you, extending into tomorrow. You really need to chill out – literally." She laughed at her own dumb joke, and I joined in. "You need to drink twice as much water as you think you need, but that's just in general. It's very hard to get water poisoning. Other than that, we're done here. Careful heading home, okay?" Ayame opened the door and let me walk out first, shutting it behind the both of us.

* * *

 _Maybe I'm insane_

 _'Cause I keep doing the same damn thing_

 _Thinking one day we gon' change_

 _But you know just how to work that back_

 _And make me forget my name_

 _What the hell you do I won't remember_

 _I'll be gone until November_

 _And you'll show up again next summer, yeah!_

 _Typical middle name is Prada_

 _Fit you like a glove, girl_

 _I'm sick of the drama_

 _You're a troublemaker_

 _But damn girl it's like I love the trouble_

 _And I can't even explain why_

 _(Yeah!)_

* * *

The walk home was…awkward, to say the least. Well, it was awkward on my end, at least. Cam walked at my side in silence, his hands currently digging a cavern into his pockets, not saying a word.

I gave him a few sidelong glances but mostly spent my time adjusting Jessica's pre-Ash clothes. The silence pressed in on me from all sides, and knowing he had seen me in my underwear for god knows how long made me uncomfortable. At least, with Hiro, I could trust him to be professional about it. He's not a gynecologist, but…still. Cam was an unknown variable to me.

The florist caught me in the midst of a glance and smirked. "Red underwear, huh?"

I felt myself growing incredibly warm. "They're not _all_ red!" It was in that moment I knew I had messed up. "Shit, I mean-"

"Diana," Cam placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him and stopping our progress. "It's fine. I live with Laney, remember? You…" he looked so…open, in that moment. It was late afternoon, and the last bit of the sun's rays seemed to shine on his hair. He looked like he was trying very hard to not…do something. Cry, maybe? "You can trust me."

I looked him in the eye, a million unanswered questions swirling around in my head. I smiled and pushed them away. "I…I know, Cam. You can trust me too."

Guilt bubbled in the pit of my stomach, but I forced it out of the way.

The rest of the walk home was silent save for the wind blowing through the trees.

* * *

 _Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh oh?_

 _My mind keeps saying,_

 _"Run as fast as you can."_

 _Troublemaker_

 _I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh..._

 _I swear you're giving me a heart attack_

 _Troublemaker_

 _Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh oh?_

 _(And I can't even explain why)_

 _My mind keeps saying,_

 _"Run as fast as you can."_

 _Troublemaker_

 _I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh..._

 _I swear you're giving me a heart attack_

 _Troublemaker_

* * *

I came home to find someone had already done my afternoon chores for me. Cam and I bid each other farewell, and I stepped into my house; the wooden steps creaking under my weight.

Inside looked just the same as I had left it. Casper and Whisper were curled up on their bed, although Casper looked up at me and wiggled his little butt when he saw me come in.

It wasn't until I started a cold shower that I remembered the haiku. It was still in my bag, left on the counter. Was it possible…?

I shook my head, clearing it of thought. I've only been here for…what, five months? Five months out of four years. It was probably just some dumb prank. Still, it wouldn't hurt to talk to Laney about it. Maybe ask Dirk if he knew, as well…

I crawled into bed that night, sleeping on top of the covers, my mind buzzing with activity. If Cam was the one who wrote the Haiku, that would be a good thing, right? I'd be able to focus more on everyone else. But…would I really be okay with that? With breaking him like that? Cam didn't seem the kind to open up easily. And there was still Mikhail to consider…what would be his deal?

I sighed and shoved my face into my pillow. There was always tomorrow.

* * *

 **FUN FACTS DIDJA KNOW:**

 **-Maybe it's just me, but the ending of this chapter is just really chill. Maybe because I was so chill when writing it**

 **-I'm a bit of an agnostic when it comes to reverse-harem anime (as in, I'm not 100% convinced they actually exist) but damn if the underwear thing** _ **isn't**_ **a trope. Sorry?**

 **-Jessica used to be an art major in a very prestigious college before she met Ash and Cheryl's father and subsequently fell in love with the country. Her husband is a very jolly "good ol' country boy" type who currently spends much of his time in the city as a surprisingly effective businessman. He helps get deals and haggle for the supplies for the ranch and store, and visits whenever he's able.**

 **NEXT CHAPTER: Fall.**


	6. Treble Heart

**A/N: I lived bitch. I got so fed up and frustrated with writing this chapter I finally just decided to cut it off where it ended and upload it, finally. I SWEAR I STILL WANT TO FINISH THIS**

 **This chapter's song is "Treble Heart" by Anna Graceman! Kinda different from the other songs here but still good :D**

* * *

 _A steady beat goes 1, 2, 3, 4_

 _A steady heart goes "I Love You More"_

 _I know sometimes it's confusing_

 _Pick a moment when you couldn't make up your mind_

 _And you think that your entire life is timed_

 _You said "it's your choice" but who's choosing_

* * *

I sprinted headlong towards Konohana's border, away from the mountain, for what was the sixth time since this whole mess began, my teeth grit together and my whole body sore from my last attempt – attempt number five. A low growl began building up in my throat – sixth time's the charm, right?

"Rrrrrrrr-AUGH!" My left ankle was surreptitiously yanked from beneath me, causing me to fall mere feet from freedom and instead face plant onto the dirt, landing with a thud and feeling the air whoosh out of my lungs. I gasped for breath, turning from my stomach onto my back, frowning teary-eyed at the almost-invisible cuff around my left ankle, connected to an invisible chain that lead all the way up the mountain, to the Goddess Spring. I spent the next few minutes catching my breath as the stillness of Konohana's border forest pressed in on all sides, a few leaves gently floating to the ground – as if my attempts at freedom inspired them.

I pushed myself to my feet, wiping my face free of the tears that threatened to spill. I took one whole step forwards, than another, than another, walking at a steady pace until I couldn't pull my left foot in front of my right. I tried kicking it forwards with a frustrated grunt, but all that did was cause me to become horribly imbalanced and fall backwards, landing hard on my butt, like Lucy ripped the football out from my grasp.

I knew doing all this was fruitless, but I tried anyway. Trapped in the same two towns for another three and a quarter years….I was going to go insane. A quote surfaced from the depths of my memory – " _You heard what he said. Gypsies don't do well in stone walls._ "

Admittedly, my prison was much larger and greener than Notre Dame, but it could've been a wooden box for how confined I felt. In a way, I blamed myself. Before this mess started I was travelling, seeing the world – _my_ world. I'd become drunk with wanderlust, and then it happened.

Again, I pushed myself to my feet. Ina was going to introduce me to Mikhail tomorrow, and I still had to unpack. _And_ it was getting late – the sun was already half-set at this point, the orange glow from the last remaining rays making it look like the fall leaves were aflame. It hurt to breathe; I must have bruised my chest with that sixth attempt. It also hurt to put any significant weight on my left leg. Hopefully, it wasn't anything serious. I still had work to do.

* * *

 _You told me we were the perfect song_

 _So I continued to sing along_

 _But now that I know what this is all about_

 _I'll stop talking and shout_

* * *

I stood under the spray of warm water gushing forth from my showerhead, feeling all the muck I accumulated during my last two escape attempts slide off and splash on the bathtub floor. The hissing whine from the showerhead spewing water was a familiar sound to me now, although not exactly comforting. My eyes were squeezed shut, my hands sliding alongside the mini shelf thing on the walls of my shower for the bar of (apparently) organic lavender soap.

It rained most of yesterday, and was supposed to rain again tomorrow. I already had everything sown, so hopefully my seeds wouldn't wash away. I still had to ask Laney or Dirk about the haikus that kept showing up once every few weeks – some were more direct poetry or even letters, but they were almost exclusively haikus. More than once, I considered writing back, but decided not to. Instead, the notes were piled together neatly in the drawer of my desk. I re-read them once in a while. Sometimes bent over in confusion, examining every line, every letter, for some kind of clue. Other times, I… just liked to look at them. I didn't know why.

I shut off the water, shivering in the sudden cold that replaced the wet warmth of the shower. Tomorrow was another day. I'd get through this, even if it takes me three and a quarter more years.

Farming aside, I managed to order myself a refurbished laptop through the old public computer in town hall – a computer so elderly I was surprised it didn't wear a beard. It was…weird, seeing familiar places with unfamiliar faces. Trying to contact my family was a bust, and I knew it was, but I did it anyway.

My pajamas were soft, putting them on. When I first arrived here it seemed the HG was benevolent enough to grace me with a few pairs of outfits for both warm and cold weather, PJs included. I ran fingers through my damp dirty blonde hair, staring at the button-up, cow-patterned flannel shirt and baggy pants in my foggy reflection, going so far as to lean in and doodle a little smiley face on the mirror out of sheer habit. I knew I was in…a bit of a funk, but things would get better. They always did.

* * *

 _Hey! I thought we were the greatest symphony, melody, harmony_

 _You talked about us like that, at the start_

 _Hey! You said it's how it's supposed to be, destiny, I don't agree_

 _You messed with my mind and tore me apart_

 _And now it seems you've broke my heart._

 _My treble heart._

* * *

The steady, yet short, knocking on my front door caused me to look up from a cup of hot cocoa. What was – ooh, Mikhail. Right.

I stood, smoothed down the front of my shirt, and hurried over to the door. "I'm here," I grasped the handle, pulling it open to reveal Ina, looking the same as always, standing next to a wind-swept man I presumed was Mikhail.

He looked a few years older than I was, but still young. His silver hair was somewhat unkempt, shirt untucked, slight bags underneath his hazel eyes, – it was obvious he wasn't nearly as used to early mornings as I was. Well, either that or he suffered from jetlag. He straightened up and met my gaze, offering a small smile and pushing up his spectacles.

"Good morning, Diana," Ina gave me a curt nod, one I returned. "I hope I am not disturbing your morning, but since you are planning on volunteering for the music festival this November I had to introduce you to who you will be preforming with."

Mikhail outstretched a hand, and when I put mine in his to shake he instead put it to his lips, giving the back of my right hand a brief kiss. "My name is Mikhail Armastaja. It is an absolute honor to meet you, Miss Diana."

I, uh, wasn't expecting that. My hand fell back to my side, I could feel my face heating up. "O-of course, the same to you. I've heard a lot about your talents."

"Diana here will be your piano accompaniment for _Moonsetter_ ," Ina said. "She has been practicing for quite a while, is that correct?"

I looked back at Ina. "Of course. Every day since you gave it to me."

Mikhail smiled and gave me a once-over, as if he had some subset of standards for piano players. "You'll do wonderfully, my dear. We will, of course, be practicing together now, if your schedule allows?"

"I'm free most afternoons, if that's what you mean." I stood a little straighter, maintaining eye contact. Something about this guy gave me the heebie-jeebies. Well, that was a bit too strong. Intimidated me, perhaps? Something, something, tough nut to crack? This wasn't his first rodeo; that much, I could tell. I'd probably have to bring it up to Laney at some point.

Ina clapped once, causing both the violinist and I to jump slightly. "Wonderful! Of course, everything you need will be in town hall. That is where Mikhail will be staying, by the way," Ina's piercing stare punched a hole into my soul. "I expect you two will work beautifully together."

Mikhail offered me a short bow. "I'll be expecting you in Town Hall no later than three o'clock. We can work out those particularly messy details later, hm?"

"See you then," I waved at the pair as they left my property. "I guess."

* * *

 _A broken heart thinks everything is just fine_

 _A broken metronome counts out the wrong time_

 _People around say, I should let go_

 _My mind is spinning and I desperately need a cure_

 _I'm in a fantasy, blinded that's for sure_

 _You used to love, that was awhile ago_

* * *

There was no way I could get the Laney 3rd Degree on Mikhail and also make it to Konohana town hall in time, so instead of going to her for lunch I went to see the world's best grandma – Yun.

The teahouse was full of hustle and bustle when I first popped in, although until I took a seat at the counter I had the distinct feeling I was being ignored. More specifically, by Nori and Hiro, who were sitting quietly sipping tea with Kana out on the back porch's table. They'd been acting flaky ever since June, and I couldn't for the life of me find out why. Well, I mean, Kana didn't have a mean bone in his body–also I splurged and gave him some sick horse gear for his birthday–so it was mostly Hiro and Nori.

Mikhail was absent from the teahouse. Probably taking a powernap before practice – the poor guy looked exhausted. Wherever he came from, it was probably quite a ways away.

"Hello, dear," Yun walked over to me, offering a very kind grandma-smile. "What brings you here today?"

I grinned at her. "Well, I mean, lunch. Also…I'm practicing with Mikhail later, and I was wondering if you could tell me more about him?"

I could hear a distant yell of "YOU'RE _WHAT_?" followed by several stomps coming my direction. I turned to face the noise, squeaked, and slid off my stool as a very angry Kana stood just a bit too close for comfort.

Yun rolled her eyes and went back to wiping down an empty plate. Kana panicked. I pushed myself to my feet.

"Sorry!" Kana offered a hand, which I took just on principle. He went from enraged to awkward in like 3 seconds – a new record. "It's just, um, well, Mikhail…"

I brushed down my shirt. "What, is he a serial killer or something?"

"Worse," Kana said. "He's a tramp."

"A hobo?"

"No, I mean, like…a player." Kana rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my gaze. "So, I don't really, uh, trust you, y'know, being alone with him."

Nori and Hiro found their way into the scene. "What's going on?" Nori still held a teacup in her hands.

"Diana's the virgin sacrifice this year." Kana said, about as serious as I'd ever heard him.

Hiro rolled his eyes. "For goddess' sake, Kana, he's not that bad. Mikhail is an especially talented musician and we should all be glad he choose to perform in Konohana this year."

"No, you don't get it," Kana began pacing back and forth. "She's his piano player. They're practicing together almost every day. _Alone_."

Nori put a hand to her mouth. "Oh my," she said, immediately dropping the hand to her side. "You're over-reacting."

"I am not!" Kana stamped his foot on the floor. "You know what happened to-"

"What happened to _who_ , Kana?" The temperature inside the tea house seemed to drop about twenty degrees Fahrenheit as Reina stepped inside, crossing her arms and lifting a brow at the pet shop owner. "Please, I'm certain whatever you have to say will be very informative."

Kana's mouth opened and shut several times. "I was- I was just-"

Renia's cold eyes landed on me. "I would speak with you, Diana. _Alone_."

"Uh…of course." As if I had a choice.

* * *

 _You told me we were the perfect song_

 _So I continued to sing along_

 _But now that I know what this is all about_

 _I'll stop talking and shout_

* * *

Konohana's side of the mountain was incredibly well-kept due to the joint efforts of Reina and Mako. The trees were tended in such a way that the leaves fell off the side of the path, and the autumn foliage all looked happy and healthy from what I could tell. I only just managed to see the tail of some furry creature as it escaped deeper into the wood. Other than that, all was still.

"So," I kicked a loose pebble, watching it skitter down the path. "It's been a while since we last talked."

"Yes," she replied. "It has."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. We're both busy, and we're talking now."

"I guess we are." I said. "So…what did you want to talk about?"

Reina stopped in the middle of the road, causing me to swivel around on my feet and backtrack. She kept her eyes on the ground. "Kana can't keep his big dumb mouth shut."

I put my hands on her shoulders. "Look, whatever happened, you're not obligated to tell me. If Kana brings it up again, I can change the subject. We're…we're friends, right? I'll…I can respect your privacy."

"It wasn't that bad, really," Reina didn't look up. "But with a community as tight-knit as ours, things can get out of hand rather quickly." I remained silent. Reina let out a huff and pushed my hands off her shoulders. "You should go. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

I swallowed. "Okay. I guess I'll…see you around."

"I guess you will."

* * *

 _Hey! I thought we were the greatest symphony, melody, harmony_

 _You talked about us like that, at the start_

 _Hey! You said it's how it's supposed to be, destiny, I don't agree_

 _You messed with my mind and tore me apart_

 _And now it seems you've broke my heart_

 _My treble heart_

* * *

The inside of town hall was alive with the sound of Mikhail playing the violin, a quaint, jolly little tune that put a smile to even Ina's face. I followed the sound into the large performance room, my eyes trailing along the array of traditional Asian instruments hanging from the walls as I walked down the carpeted path to the baby grand piano.

Mikhail had set up a small table and chair to its side, and was happily playing away standing next to the mahogany chair. His jacket was draped over its back, so I was able to see what the musician wore beneath it – a buttoned-up dress shirt and slacks. Dude looked classy, although a couple of his shirt's buttons were undone near the top, giving off a sort of "hot for teacher" vibe.

He looked up and abruptly stopped his violin playing. "Oh. Hello there, Diana. You're early."

"I am?" I glanced over at the analog clock hanging over the piano. The small stick is the hour one, right? "I…I guess I am. Sorry."

Mikhail shook his head. "Oh, no, no, no, it's no problem. This gives us more time together, does it not? Please, take a seat." He gestured to the empty chair but I decided on the piano bench.

"So," I idly stroked the white keys, familiarizing myself with the musical alphabet without actually pressing down. "What's the plan?"

Mikhail poured himself some sort of liquid from a porcelain pitcher into a glass teacup. "First, we must get comfortable with each other, then we will practice. Would you like some lemongrass tea?"

"Uh…no thank you." I scrunched up my face a little. "I was never one for tea."

Mikhail nodded. "Of course. Do you require anything else before warming up? I personally quite enjoy cracking open a window or two. There's nothing quite like uniting the sounds of nature to music, don't you think?"

"Uh…sure," I stood and began walking over to one of the windows. "Isn't it supposed to rain later today, though?"

Mikhail waved away the question. "A little rain will complement our symphony."

"I mean, you're the expert." I pushed open the window, having to wiggle it a little bit since it's been so long. "But…I'd hate to ruin Ina's floorboards."

Mikhail was hovering over my shoulder, having seemingly teleported from the other side of the room. "I see," He lightly brushed my arm, guiding me to the piano. "We shall be extra considerate then."

I took my seat on the piano bench, cracking my knuckles and preparing myself for what might lie ahead.

My fingers jittered across the keyboard, familiarizing themselves once again with the placement of the different notes and tapping together a few basic chords. Mikhail floated over to his violin and began plucking the strings, probably making sure everything was still in key. He lowered his bow. "Are you sufficiently warmed up, Diana?"

"Uh," I glanced up at him. "I guess so. From the top, then?"

Mikhail nodded and got into position. "Whenever you're ready."

I tried not to focus on the (admittedly, _very_ attractive) musician as I sifted through the music sheets, putting everything in order. With one last quick glance at Mikhail, I began to play.

* * *

 _You were the bass I was the treble_

 _We took life to a whole 'nother level_

 _You'll never get there again, my friend_

 _Cause it's the end_

 _Though my heart is on fire and so are my tears_

 _I will remember you through the years_

 _Cause you're responsible for this light_

 _That burns inside, and it's alright_

* * *

Sure enough, it was raining pretty hard by the time Mikhail called it quits for the day. Hippie psychobabble about the rain or whatever aside, it was pounding down loud enough I couldn't hear the piano. We wiggled the windows shut, which helped, but the thunder and distant flashes of lightning meant it was time for me to go.

"This'll probably last throughout tomorrow." I looked up at the grey sky.

Mikhail carefully placed his prized possession back into its case. "I suppose you would know better than I," he moved to stand beside me, his glasses reflecting the clouds. "Goodness, but it's getting dark out there. May I walk you home? It is the least I can do."

"Nah, I'll be okay. The farm's not too far from here." I waved off his concern, walking over to the piano and shouldering my rucksack. "Besides, this isn't the first time I've had to walk myself home. I appreciate the offer, but these guns?" I exaggerated flexing my arms "They aren't just for show."

Mikhail smiled and shook his head. "So long as they keep you safe," He waltzed over to the little table by the piano and lifted a piece of paper I hadn't noticed before. Mikhail examined it with narrowed eyes, suddenly professional. "Now, our next rehearsal will be exactly one week from now. The festival isn't until November, so we do have plenty of time to practice. I expect you on time." He looked at me over his glasses. I saluted him.

"Sire, yes, sire! I suppose I'll see you around?"

Mikhail folded the paper and pulled his jacket back over his shoulders. "Of course you will. Please don't hesitate to stop by anytime for tea – or whatever beverage you prefer. I quite enjoy the company of a lovely lady such as yourself."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bet you say that to all the ladies."

Mikhail snapped the clasps shut on his violin case. "Only because I have yet to meet a lady who is not lovely."

* * *

 _You told me we were the perfect song_

 _So I continued to sing along_

 _But now that I know what this is all about_

 _I'll stop talking and shout_

* * *

"…So he had to be Conrad because he was too shy for any of the other major speaking roles." Laney took another delicate sip of hot chocolate. "Also because he had the best voice out of our class – uh, please don't tell Ash I said that."

I pressed a hand to my chest and lifted the other to eye height. "Scout's honor."

Laney gave a blithe smile and shook her head. "You're such a goofball, Diana."

"With pride! Hey, so, unrelated, but…I've been meaning to ask you about something." It was a clear, crisp autumn afternoon, and I decided to spend the day in Bluebell, because I missed everyone. Laney insisted on treating me to lunch, of course, which I didn't mind at all. She was an excellent cook, after all. I touched the petals on one of the flower napkins Cam had folded – today was the day. I was finally going to ask Laney about the haikus.

"Sure thing! What's up?" Laney gave me the fullest extent of her attention, which if I'm perfectly honest was a little…uncomfortable. I sucked in a breath.

"Well..."

"Diana! Hey!" Georgia leapt into the fray, clinging onto me like a koala. The position was rather awkward but where there's a will, there's a way. I almost tipped off my chair before Laney reached over and steadied us.

"Hey yourself!" I laughed, returning the hug. "Where you been?"

Georgia slumped into one of the empty seats and retold her adventures in the "big city" with a practically-minute-by-minute account in breathtaking detail. So much for that.

* * *

 _Hey! I thought we were the greatest symphony, melody, harmony_

 _You talked about us like that, at the start_

 _Hey! You said it's how it's supposed to be, destiny, I don't agree_

 _You messed with my mind and tore me apart_

 _And now it seems you've broke my heart, my treble heart_

* * *

 **A/N: See you around for chapter seven, hopefully before the turn of the century! I'M OUTTA HERE**

 ***punches through wall like kool-aid man***


End file.
